I can't believe it has been a month since I've posted on here. I would like to say it is because I've been traveling around Europe but we all know that isn't true. More like traveling around Dairy Queen and Goodberrys.
I have been busy though. It takes a lot of time and energy to not take care of yourself and not exercise. Planning trips to get ice cream without others knowing. It can be exhausting.
Actually, even though my mind hasn't been convinced to be healthy this past month, I've still gotten out of bed 2-3 times a week to go get on the treadmill at the gym. Thank you to my cousin Chrissy (who lives in Florida) who hasn't given up on me and continues to remind me that I need to get off my lazy butt and do something. After my race, when I stopped running and started to eat everything in front of me she kept going with being healthy. She looks AMAZING!! The hottest mom in Florida by FAR!!! I think she's lost 30 or 40 pounds!!!
Also, my fourth grade team meets in the mornings to workout at the gym. We decided that if someone cancels and doesn't workout some other time during the day then they owe money and it goes in a jar. I'm not sure how much we have in there right now.
It is much easier to try and be healthy when you have people checking in on you. I need to do a better job of seeing who I can check in with and maybe help others in a positive way. So many people have helped and continue to help me on my journey.
Anyways, enough about my past month of eating and getting on the treadmill.
I think I forget how much I love to run. I am referring to running outside. Although I don't mind running on the treadmill, it is a different experience for me outside. Maybe it is the whole being outside one with nature thing. I've always loved the outdoors, so it makes sense that I would enjoy running outside compared to inside.
I am off work for a few weeks (the joys of being year round) and was able to sleep in yesterday but I decided to get up and go running. It had been raining outside for awhile and stopped for a few minutes. I figured this was my window to step outside. Once I was down the street it started to pour. I kept going. There is something about running in the rain. Knowing that somebody else might give up and I kept going. I only ran 2.23 miles but it felt good.
I forget how much I love to run and how it makes me feel. It is therapy.
Eric went running last night and said he wanted to go this morning. I told him I was going this morning at 6 so he said he would go at 5. Well 5:45 hit and he was back and I didn't want to get up. Last night he didn't want to go and I wouldn't let it go and kept telling him to go, so he finally did. Needless to say this morning at 5:45 when I turned the alarm off and decided to go back to bed, he didn't let me. "Oh no you don't" he said. He made me get up. I am pretty stubborn and tried to fight him on it and give him about 10 excuses but he wouldn't take it.
So, I got up ran 2.23 miles and couldn't have been happier when I was done.
I say all this because a lot of times the people in our lives don't realize how important they can be. A word of encouragement or maybe a word of get the bleep out of bed. Sometimes we need it. It is easy to go about our own lives and forget to think about how we can make a difference in other people's lives and how much other people matter in our lives.
So thank you to anyone and everyone who continues to encourage me or takes the other route and doesn't put up with my stubbornness and tells me how it is. Don't let down, I need it!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
It feels like its been forever but it has only been 2 weeks since I've written. Well, I did a good job up until Labor Day, when we went camping. I use MyFitnessPal and loved it!! Unfortunately I stopped using it for a weekend and its been down hill since then.
I will go a few days and do well and then I will make an impulsive run to get icecream.
I think I would be able to retire if I invested in Dairy Queen. I'm thinking about not taking Reece to baseball practice anymore since it is located near a Dairy Queen.
I am really pissed and I am feeling sorry for myself this week. I should get a week out of the month that I want to just be rude to everyone and feel like my life sucks.
(As an important side note: I know my life doesn't suck: I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful and healthy kids, a job that I LOVE, and friends that are like family). I really couldn't ask for a whole lot more (although winning the lottery would help).
Ok now I feel guilty for complaining.
Anyways, today I am thinking about how I wish I would win the lottery. I don't play the lottery so that is going to be difficult.
I see people that are able to buy their kids whatever they want and don't have to worry about hoping someone will give you hand-me-downs. Don't get me wrong I LOVE and am very thankful for all the hand me downs we get but I have a daughter that loves clothes. I would just once like to take her shopping and let her get what she wants. Thankfully the clothes she gets from others are like NEW!!!
I will go a few days and do well and then I will make an impulsive run to get icecream.
I think I would be able to retire if I invested in Dairy Queen. I'm thinking about not taking Reece to baseball practice anymore since it is located near a Dairy Queen.
I am really pissed and I am feeling sorry for myself this week. I should get a week out of the month that I want to just be rude to everyone and feel like my life sucks.
(As an important side note: I know my life doesn't suck: I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful and healthy kids, a job that I LOVE, and friends that are like family). I really couldn't ask for a whole lot more (although winning the lottery would help).
Ok now I feel guilty for complaining.
Anyways, today I am thinking about how I wish I would win the lottery. I don't play the lottery so that is going to be difficult.
I see people that are able to buy their kids whatever they want and don't have to worry about hoping someone will give you hand-me-downs. Don't get me wrong I LOVE and am very thankful for all the hand me downs we get but I have a daughter that loves clothes. I would just once like to take her shopping and let her get what she wants. Thankfully the clothes she gets from others are like NEW!!!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Good -Bye FATTY
I am tired of being fat. I really am. No offense to fat people, since I am one.
I really hate it. I hate that none of my clothes fit me so I have to wear the same old things over and over again because I am too stubborn to go buy fat clothes. I won't do it. I would rather have to safety pin my shorts because they are too small or rip my pants when I bend over rather than going and buying clothes that are fat.
That's it I am done. I hate the way that I can go all day and just dream about food.
I am tired of feeling like I am 60 when really I am 33 all because I am so fat I can't move.
Too bad if this upsets you and you are fat. Well we all need to do something about it. We need to quit shoving the next brownie in our mouths and go exercise.
I am tired of stupid excuses that I tell myself. Oh, today is Wednesday I can't exercise it is in the middle of the week.
Oh ,it is the the week before I might get my period I can eat this gallon of ice cream. I deserve it. Oh, I feel a little sad for myself so I can clean out the pantry. OH, my day didn't go like I wanted it,so I will eat this bag of chips. Really who doesn't have these problems?? Well maybe not everyone.
Booohooo...time to get off my fat ass and get with the program. I am sick and tired of thinking that something is wrong with my mirror. I am tired of dreaming about going to Dairy Queen and just letting the ice cream pour into my mouth for at least 3 hours.
I want to be able to sit down without wondering if my shirt is lifted up in the back and everyone around me is getting sick. I am tired of having to sit down to tie my shoes because I might tip over. I am tired of telling myself, "Well, you have nice blue eyes" Who gives a *()&^ about my nice blue eyes, as a woman I want to feel good about my body.
I want to feel healthy. I love how I feel when I know I've had self-control and I've pushed myself athletically. I love how I feel when I run. I love how I feel when I don't use food as my therapist. I love how I feel when I eat what I am meant to eat with self-control. I love how I feel when I RUN...
As a side note: Thank you to my cousin Chrissy who is not letting me get too far gone from wanting to be healthy!!!!
I really hate it. I hate that none of my clothes fit me so I have to wear the same old things over and over again because I am too stubborn to go buy fat clothes. I won't do it. I would rather have to safety pin my shorts because they are too small or rip my pants when I bend over rather than going and buying clothes that are fat.
That's it I am done. I hate the way that I can go all day and just dream about food.
I am tired of feeling like I am 60 when really I am 33 all because I am so fat I can't move.
Too bad if this upsets you and you are fat. Well we all need to do something about it. We need to quit shoving the next brownie in our mouths and go exercise.
I am tired of stupid excuses that I tell myself. Oh, today is Wednesday I can't exercise it is in the middle of the week.
Oh ,it is the the week before I might get my period I can eat this gallon of ice cream. I deserve it. Oh, I feel a little sad for myself so I can clean out the pantry. OH, my day didn't go like I wanted it,so I will eat this bag of chips. Really who doesn't have these problems?? Well maybe not everyone.
Booohooo...time to get off my fat ass and get with the program. I am sick and tired of thinking that something is wrong with my mirror. I am tired of dreaming about going to Dairy Queen and just letting the ice cream pour into my mouth for at least 3 hours.
I want to be able to sit down without wondering if my shirt is lifted up in the back and everyone around me is getting sick. I am tired of having to sit down to tie my shoes because I might tip over. I am tired of telling myself, "Well, you have nice blue eyes" Who gives a *()&^ about my nice blue eyes, as a woman I want to feel good about my body.
I want to feel healthy. I love how I feel when I know I've had self-control and I've pushed myself athletically. I love how I feel when I run. I love how I feel when I don't use food as my therapist. I love how I feel when I eat what I am meant to eat with self-control. I love how I feel when I RUN...
As a side note: Thank you to my cousin Chrissy who is not letting me get too far gone from wanting to be healthy!!!!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
I need to workout in my sleep.
I need energy.
Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it. I feel like I am always tired.
I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not exercising which gives you more energy.
When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15. Then after work it is dinner, homework, and there is no way that I am going running at 8 pm.
Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.
My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks. It is just too easy to put ourselves last. To not take time to do the things we should.
I feel so tired. When I finish typing this I am going to bed. It is 8:00, why am I sooo tired??
Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it. I feel like I am always tired.
I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not exercising which gives you more energy.
When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15. Then after work it is dinner, homework, and there is no way that I am going running at 8 pm.
Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.
My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks. It is just too easy to put ourselves last. To not take time to do the things we should.
I feel so tired. When I finish typing this I am going to bed. It is 8:00, why am I sooo tired??
Any workout ideas that I can do in my sleep?
I need energy.
Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it. I feel like I am always tired.
I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not excericsing which gives you more energy. That is easier said than done.
When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15.
Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.
My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks.
Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it. I feel like I am always tired.
I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not excericsing which gives you more energy. That is easier said than done.
When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15.
Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.
My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Missing My Mom
I've spent a good amount of my adult life telling people that "I just feel thankful that I had my mom for 18 years." I would tell them, "You know some people never experience the kind of love that I did." That was my happy go to line. When someone found out that my mom died when I was younger I would quickly tell them those things so they wouldn't feel so sorry for me anymore.
So that they would know that I was a positive person and no need to feel weird about the topic. I could be looked at as this strong person who was always positive. If only my heart was revealed.
Don't get me wrong, I do know those things and I do feel them but part of it is a lie. We as people lie to ourselves to protect our hearts. To hide away what we are really feeling. It is too much to feel lost or lonely.
A week from tomorrow will be my mom's birthday, August 5th. She would have been 62. I don't even know what she would be like at that age. She doesn't even know me as an adult. She doesn't know my husband, my kids, or me.
For a lot of my life I kept my feelings deep inside. Too scared to realize the pain and hurt that I felt.
If she was alive how would it feel to call her? To have a mom to go to? Have a place that was a central spot to get together with my brothers.
I know that I had it good. I did have my mom's love for a long time, and some people never experience that.
It doesn't take away the sadness and the hole in my heart that I feel. It doesn't take away the loss that is felt. Lots of people feel this loss each day. Maybe it is a mom, a dad, a brother, sister, grandparent, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. We all have people that we lose. That we love.
What would life be like if she were alive? Would we have big family get togethers to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas? What would my kids call her? Would they look at her like she was an angel like I did?
Its just not fair sometimes. I want my mom here. I want her to know me and my family. I want her to be at my kids birthday parties. I want to call her and tell her I love her and I miss her. I just want her here.
I miss her. As the years go by since her death it is hard to keep the memories of her alive. I don't think about the memories as much probably because I am too busy in my own life. Then when I do think about her it is hard to remember. Hard to think about our times together when I was younger.
I know I love her and I know I miss her.
So that they would know that I was a positive person and no need to feel weird about the topic. I could be looked at as this strong person who was always positive. If only my heart was revealed.
Don't get me wrong, I do know those things and I do feel them but part of it is a lie. We as people lie to ourselves to protect our hearts. To hide away what we are really feeling. It is too much to feel lost or lonely.
A week from tomorrow will be my mom's birthday, August 5th. She would have been 62. I don't even know what she would be like at that age. She doesn't even know me as an adult. She doesn't know my husband, my kids, or me.
For a lot of my life I kept my feelings deep inside. Too scared to realize the pain and hurt that I felt.
If she was alive how would it feel to call her? To have a mom to go to? Have a place that was a central spot to get together with my brothers.
I know that I had it good. I did have my mom's love for a long time, and some people never experience that.
It doesn't take away the sadness and the hole in my heart that I feel. It doesn't take away the loss that is felt. Lots of people feel this loss each day. Maybe it is a mom, a dad, a brother, sister, grandparent, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. We all have people that we lose. That we love.
What would life be like if she were alive? Would we have big family get togethers to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas? What would my kids call her? Would they look at her like she was an angel like I did?
Its just not fair sometimes. I want my mom here. I want her to know me and my family. I want her to be at my kids birthday parties. I want to call her and tell her I love her and I miss her. I just want her here.
I miss her. As the years go by since her death it is hard to keep the memories of her alive. I don't think about the memories as much probably because I am too busy in my own life. Then when I do think about her it is hard to remember. Hard to think about our times together when I was younger.
I know I love her and I know I miss her.
New begginings.
Tomorrow I will eat healthy. Tomorrow I will start running again. Tomorrow will be the day that I start doing this... or tomorrow I will quit this...Tomorrow I will _____.
What will you do tomorrow?
I love that I've started over like 50,000 times. The funny thing is that I think the reason that I always want to say I will start tomorrow because that means I can eat whatever I want to eat that day, because tomorrow I am starting over.
It is a free pass. I can eat anything because it is my "last day" eating unhealthy. I kind have to eat as much as I can or it wouldn't be a very good last day of eating unhealthy.
Tomorrow I will eat healthy. Tomorrow I will start running again. Tomorrow will be the day that I start doing this... or tomorrow I will quit this...Tomorrow I will _____.
What will you do tomorrow?
I love that I've started over like 50,000 times. The funny thing is that I think the reason that I always want to say I will start tomorrow because that means I can eat whatever I want to eat that day, because tomorrow I am starting over.
It is a free pass. I can eat anything because it is my "last day" eating unhealthy. I kind have to eat as much as I can or it wouldn't be a very good last day of eating unhealthy.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Marriage: Speaking A Different Language
It is hard to write creatively when I'm not depressed or when I haven't had a glass of wine to get my brain thinking but here goes...
Do you ever feel like you need an interpreter at your house even though you speak the same language? Someone to tell your husband what the heck you just said or what you are trying to say or the other way around.
Last night Eric and I talked about something for about 20 minutes and I'm not even sure if we were both speaking English. I didn't have a clue what he was saying and I am pretty sure that he didn't know what I was saying either.
If you've never felt this way in your marriage or relationship then that might even be a bigger problem.
Tonight I am thinking about how good I feel because I ran today and I feel so much better when I run in the morning. (I guess I had to throw a line in about running since I love it!!!)
I am also thinking about how thankful I am that Eric and I have been married 10 years. Don't get me wrong we've really just started learning how to really LOVE each other in the past 3 years, through God's grace. The first 7 years of our marriage seemed like we did everything wrong that we were supposed to do right. Maybe it was due to getting married young, maybe we were immature, who knows. All I know is I'm glad we've made it this far.
Each day we learn more,and each day we grow closer to what God has for us.
I grew up thinking that once I got married everything would be perfect. I had an unrealistic version of marriage. I don't know why I thought that , because my parents were divorced. Eric seems to think I've watched too many Hallmark movies (he won't admit that he watches them with me now :)
Marriage/Relationships are hard. They take work. Some years more than others.
I do know that when we are sitting on the back porch at 80 drinking a glass of wine or a Blue Moon we will look at each other and be thankful that we continued down the road of the unknown.
Do you ever feel like you need an interpreter at your house even though you speak the same language? Someone to tell your husband what the heck you just said or what you are trying to say or the other way around.
Last night Eric and I talked about something for about 20 minutes and I'm not even sure if we were both speaking English. I didn't have a clue what he was saying and I am pretty sure that he didn't know what I was saying either.
If you've never felt this way in your marriage or relationship then that might even be a bigger problem.
Tonight I am thinking about how good I feel because I ran today and I feel so much better when I run in the morning. (I guess I had to throw a line in about running since I love it!!!)
I am also thinking about how thankful I am that Eric and I have been married 10 years. Don't get me wrong we've really just started learning how to really LOVE each other in the past 3 years, through God's grace. The first 7 years of our marriage seemed like we did everything wrong that we were supposed to do right. Maybe it was due to getting married young, maybe we were immature, who knows. All I know is I'm glad we've made it this far.
Each day we learn more,and each day we grow closer to what God has for us.
I grew up thinking that once I got married everything would be perfect. I had an unrealistic version of marriage. I don't know why I thought that , because my parents were divorced. Eric seems to think I've watched too many Hallmark movies (he won't admit that he watches them with me now :)
Marriage/Relationships are hard. They take work. Some years more than others.
I do know that when we are sitting on the back porch at 80 drinking a glass of wine or a Blue Moon we will look at each other and be thankful that we continued down the road of the unknown.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Words Can't Describe This Post
Wasn't this blog supposed to be about running instead of eating?
Apparently it is about running to the frig.
What is the addiction to food?? Why do I love it so much?
If you are reading this and you are tired of hearing me complain about my eating problems and how I get pissed off if I eat a gallon of ice cream, then turn your electronic device off and don't read my *(^^% blog. This is really like a diary for me and I feel so much better after I write.
This isn't about running right now. This is about a person that loves food too much and has issues with portion control. Yes, that is me. It sucks. Really I don't care if anybody really understands where I am coming from. I fight with food constantly.
Yes, my past 50 blogs have been about how depressed I am about all the eating. You are probably thinking get over yourself already and eat healthy and please go visit your local therapist. Well, I am thinking that too.
It really isn't that easy. Anybody that has any type of food addiction or any addiction at all can relate.
I'm not depressed, well as I type that maybe this is denial, maybe I am depressed I am just in denial. No. I am a confident person who is happy but has a secret about being addicted to food. This is my insecurity. This is where I feel like someone shit on my face. This is where I have no control. I feel good in lots of other areas. I am good at a lot of things, just not eating.
I like control. I like organization. What teacher doesn't??? Maybe that is the problem. This is one area of my life that I have trouble controlling and I don't know why. I can't figure it out.
Was I born this way? Destined to fight with food. Genetics????? I don't know. What does Science say? What does God say?
Would He say I am lost and need to come home? Would "Science" say I need a diet pill to even out my (insert smart word)?
Does it have to do with the fact that I love writing? Maybe it is easier to write when you feel bad about yourself or your body. Maybe that is when I feel one with the world, when I can express my inner emotions. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Why is our society all about, "Oh everything is fine. How are you doing? Great. Really? Is everyone in this world great or fine? I once read on a blog about how Fine was the christian "F" word and this really stuck to me. You ask someone how they are doing and does anyone ever say: "Today really sucked, my kids didn't listen to me, my this and this and this. No. It is always JUST FINE or GOOD. If they do go on a rampage of complaining then they are labeled "Debbie Downer." I guess if you make it a habit that is different, you are debbie downer and you need to seek help.
I am not Debbie Downer, and I know that. If you know me then you know that I am the complete opposite of Debbie. I am like Sarah. Smiling Sarah.
But I would love to ask someone how they are and for them to actually tell me the truth. Someone to say that they had a shitty day. My real true friends tell me when they've had a bad day and that is when I know that they are really a friend.
What would I write about if I felt happy about my body? "Oh, today was a good day I feel great. No emotion. No wanting that other personality, confidence in your body. No deep desire to get rid of the food cravings." Shit how boring. Happy lives are boring.
If you are happy, you are boring. Just kidding. You aren't. I am happy in a lot of ways, but there are things that I struggle with.
Disclaimer #1:
Ginnie Deaton is insecure about her body and has eating problems. Please note that she is a lovely person, enjoys life, would like to run for office one day, and has over a million things a day to be happy for.
Disclaimer #2:
Ginnie Deaton uses this Blog to rid her negative/evil thoughts.
Disclaimer #3
Ginnie Deaton loves to write fictional stories about her own life. (maybe realistic fiction) (ok it is real)
Disclaimer #4
nothing else.
Hug your friends, your family, feed your dog, and most importantly: If someone ask you how you are: Tell them the "F" word "Fine".
Apparently it is about running to the frig.
What is the addiction to food?? Why do I love it so much?
If you are reading this and you are tired of hearing me complain about my eating problems and how I get pissed off if I eat a gallon of ice cream, then turn your electronic device off and don't read my *(^^% blog. This is really like a diary for me and I feel so much better after I write.
This isn't about running right now. This is about a person that loves food too much and has issues with portion control. Yes, that is me. It sucks. Really I don't care if anybody really understands where I am coming from. I fight with food constantly.
Yes, my past 50 blogs have been about how depressed I am about all the eating. You are probably thinking get over yourself already and eat healthy and please go visit your local therapist. Well, I am thinking that too.
It really isn't that easy. Anybody that has any type of food addiction or any addiction at all can relate.
I'm not depressed, well as I type that maybe this is denial, maybe I am depressed I am just in denial. No. I am a confident person who is happy but has a secret about being addicted to food. This is my insecurity. This is where I feel like someone shit on my face. This is where I have no control. I feel good in lots of other areas. I am good at a lot of things, just not eating.
I like control. I like organization. What teacher doesn't??? Maybe that is the problem. This is one area of my life that I have trouble controlling and I don't know why. I can't figure it out.
Was I born this way? Destined to fight with food. Genetics????? I don't know. What does Science say? What does God say?
Would He say I am lost and need to come home? Would "Science" say I need a diet pill to even out my (insert smart word)?
Does it have to do with the fact that I love writing? Maybe it is easier to write when you feel bad about yourself or your body. Maybe that is when I feel one with the world, when I can express my inner emotions. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Why is our society all about, "Oh everything is fine. How are you doing? Great. Really? Is everyone in this world great or fine? I once read on a blog about how Fine was the christian "F" word and this really stuck to me. You ask someone how they are doing and does anyone ever say: "Today really sucked, my kids didn't listen to me, my this and this and this. No. It is always JUST FINE or GOOD. If they do go on a rampage of complaining then they are labeled "Debbie Downer." I guess if you make it a habit that is different, you are debbie downer and you need to seek help.
I am not Debbie Downer, and I know that. If you know me then you know that I am the complete opposite of Debbie. I am like Sarah. Smiling Sarah.
But I would love to ask someone how they are and for them to actually tell me the truth. Someone to say that they had a shitty day. My real true friends tell me when they've had a bad day and that is when I know that they are really a friend.
What would I write about if I felt happy about my body? "Oh, today was a good day I feel great. No emotion. No wanting that other personality, confidence in your body. No deep desire to get rid of the food cravings." Shit how boring. Happy lives are boring.
If you are happy, you are boring. Just kidding. You aren't. I am happy in a lot of ways, but there are things that I struggle with.
Disclaimer #1:
Ginnie Deaton is insecure about her body and has eating problems. Please note that she is a lovely person, enjoys life, would like to run for office one day, and has over a million things a day to be happy for.
Disclaimer #2:
Ginnie Deaton uses this Blog to rid her negative/evil thoughts.
Disclaimer #3
Ginnie Deaton loves to write fictional stories about her own life. (maybe realistic fiction) (ok it is real)
Disclaimer #4
nothing else.
Hug your friends, your family, feed your dog, and most importantly: If someone ask you how you are: Tell them the "F" word "Fine".
Monday, July 16, 2012
I am REALLY BEAUTIFUL because of Jesus
It is amazing how many times I look in the mirror and I think negative thoughts about myself.
Fat butt.
Flat butt.
too big boobs.
not perky enough
too big belly.
small down the front but not on the sides
big face.
fat hair.
swollen arms
too thin hair
small legs, big upper body
chipped tooth
It is also amazing how many times I look in the mirror and think how beautiful I am. No matter what weight issues I have with myself for some reason I always end up thinking I look ok. Maybe its because I know that God made me and he doesn't make ugly. Maybe its because I know that I am stronger and deeper than sometimes how I feel on the outside. Maybe its because I know that by God's grace I am saved from all the bad things in the world. Maybe its because I was raised to believe in myself no matter what.
Maybe when I look in the mirror I see Jesus' love instead of my own unworthiness.
I don't know.
I do know that I am beautiful.
My eyes are pretty. My skin is smooth. I am funny. I am smart. I love everyone. I would do anything for my friends. I have people that love me and I feel it. I enjoy laughter. I love hugs. I like to dance. I love to read. I like being around people. My kids are my world. I love teaching. I enjoy growing in my profession. I love Jesus. I love music, even though I can't play it. I have fun. I love my husband. I love food, sometimes in an unhealthy way, sometimes not. I am unique. I am me. Sometimes happy, sometimes depressed.
I know that we all go through ups and downs. Good and Bad. Feeling like we are on top of the world and feeling like we could crawl to the deepest, darkest cave.
What matters is what do you do when you want to crawl to the deepest, darkest cave of life?
Do you show love?
Kindness?
Ask yourself, what do you do?
I know that I am really beautiful. Not because what I weigh, or what I wear, or what I look like, but because my Father above loves me and has sent His Son to die for me and my sins.
Thank you Jesus for loving me for me.
Fat butt.
Flat butt.
too big boobs.
not perky enough
too big belly.
small down the front but not on the sides
big face.
fat hair.
swollen arms
too thin hair
small legs, big upper body
chipped tooth
It is also amazing how many times I look in the mirror and think how beautiful I am. No matter what weight issues I have with myself for some reason I always end up thinking I look ok. Maybe its because I know that God made me and he doesn't make ugly. Maybe its because I know that I am stronger and deeper than sometimes how I feel on the outside. Maybe its because I know that by God's grace I am saved from all the bad things in the world. Maybe its because I was raised to believe in myself no matter what.
Maybe when I look in the mirror I see Jesus' love instead of my own unworthiness.
I don't know.
I do know that I am beautiful.
My eyes are pretty. My skin is smooth. I am funny. I am smart. I love everyone. I would do anything for my friends. I have people that love me and I feel it. I enjoy laughter. I love hugs. I like to dance. I love to read. I like being around people. My kids are my world. I love teaching. I enjoy growing in my profession. I love Jesus. I love music, even though I can't play it. I have fun. I love my husband. I love food, sometimes in an unhealthy way, sometimes not. I am unique. I am me. Sometimes happy, sometimes depressed.
I know that we all go through ups and downs. Good and Bad. Feeling like we are on top of the world and feeling like we could crawl to the deepest, darkest cave.
What matters is what do you do when you want to crawl to the deepest, darkest cave of life?
Do you show love?
Kindness?
Ask yourself, what do you do?
I know that I am really beautiful. Not because what I weigh, or what I wear, or what I look like, but because my Father above loves me and has sent His Son to die for me and my sins.
Thank you Jesus for loving me for me.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Salt
Today was my third day this week that I ran. It is very hard to stop at 2.5 miles when your body is telling you to do more. I am determined to not get hurt as I begin to run again. I was nervous that running would be difficult for me. I thought that maybe I would have to start all the way from the beginning.
I was wrong. I blew through my runs. They were easy. My physical therapist told me to start slow. He gave me a back to running schedule, which I had to change because there was no way that I was going to start that slow.
I am going to listen a little bit and take it easy. I really wanted to keep going today but I didn't. It feels so good to run. No other exercise compares to it.
I thought I was doomed last night. For some reason we ran out of salt in our house. We've never run out of salt, ever. I don't think growing up we ever ran out of salt either. It is just something you don't run out of.
We thought about asking our neighbors for salt. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it.
Eric and I were renting a movie last night and we wanted popcorn. Who eats popcorn without salt? Nobody.
I said I would go get it. He had worked all day and I was off. I played back in forth in my head if I should make a quick hidden trip to get some ice cream. I decided no. As I was walking out the door Eric asked if I would pick up some ice cream from the store and some coke.
Really?? I am going to the store to buy ice cream, salt, and coke. I mine as well throw in a case of beer and a few bottles of wine and paint Gluttony on my forehead.
Of course they had Breyers buy one get one free so I had to go along with the special. Butter Pecan was calling my name. I bought some bananas too, I didn't want to have a heart attack just carrying all that junk food to the car.
It has been a few days since I've had ice cream so I felt ok with eating some of it last night.
I was wrong. I blew through my runs. They were easy. My physical therapist told me to start slow. He gave me a back to running schedule, which I had to change because there was no way that I was going to start that slow.
I am going to listen a little bit and take it easy. I really wanted to keep going today but I didn't. It feels so good to run. No other exercise compares to it.
I thought I was doomed last night. For some reason we ran out of salt in our house. We've never run out of salt, ever. I don't think growing up we ever ran out of salt either. It is just something you don't run out of.
We thought about asking our neighbors for salt. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it.
Eric and I were renting a movie last night and we wanted popcorn. Who eats popcorn without salt? Nobody.
I said I would go get it. He had worked all day and I was off. I played back in forth in my head if I should make a quick hidden trip to get some ice cream. I decided no. As I was walking out the door Eric asked if I would pick up some ice cream from the store and some coke.
Really?? I am going to the store to buy ice cream, salt, and coke. I mine as well throw in a case of beer and a few bottles of wine and paint Gluttony on my forehead.
Of course they had Breyers buy one get one free so I had to go along with the special. Butter Pecan was calling my name. I bought some bananas too, I didn't want to have a heart attack just carrying all that junk food to the car.
It has been a few days since I've had ice cream so I felt ok with eating some of it last night.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Running and Crack
On Saturday I ran for the first time in about a month or so. Since I've been hurt I've been fiending for running like a crack addict outside of Dollar Tree.
I've never tried crack but I can relate to depending on something and then having to quit and wanting it back. Although I am sure that it is more difficult to give up crack compared to running. Although I will say that running alters my mind, so maybe it is just as hard.
It felt so good. I've missed it. I wanted to run forever but I didn't push myself because I was scared I would get hurt again. I get released from physical therapy this week. I am sad to go because it really does make for some entertainment. I will miss the really weird intern and listening in on everyone's conversations. I will have to go hang out at the mall or something and stalk people.
I ran on the treadmill (which sucks but it is better then not running at all) I walked uphill for half a mile and then I ran 1.5 miles. It was amazing. I feel so alive when I run, like I am lost in my own world. Nobody else is around me and I think of nothing. I wanted to keep going, but I didn't.
Tomorrow I have another date with the treadmill. I can't wait. I am imagining the day that I will run outside again.
I have done really well eating the past 3 days. There has been ice cream in our freezer for at least 5 days, I can't believe it.
I am determined to get over this fatness. I hate it. I love how I feel when I am healthy.
I am ready to sign up for another half-marathon.
I've never tried crack but I can relate to depending on something and then having to quit and wanting it back. Although I am sure that it is more difficult to give up crack compared to running. Although I will say that running alters my mind, so maybe it is just as hard.
It felt so good. I've missed it. I wanted to run forever but I didn't push myself because I was scared I would get hurt again. I get released from physical therapy this week. I am sad to go because it really does make for some entertainment. I will miss the really weird intern and listening in on everyone's conversations. I will have to go hang out at the mall or something and stalk people.
I ran on the treadmill (which sucks but it is better then not running at all) I walked uphill for half a mile and then I ran 1.5 miles. It was amazing. I feel so alive when I run, like I am lost in my own world. Nobody else is around me and I think of nothing. I wanted to keep going, but I didn't.
Tomorrow I have another date with the treadmill. I can't wait. I am imagining the day that I will run outside again.
I have done really well eating the past 3 days. There has been ice cream in our freezer for at least 5 days, I can't believe it.
I am determined to get over this fatness. I hate it. I love how I feel when I am healthy.
I am ready to sign up for another half-marathon.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Dear Ginnie
Dear Ginnie,
I think you are really nice and pretty. You have beautiful blue eyes and you are really funny. You are a really good teacher and you make the best cakes. You can eat Ice cream like nobody I know. You like to camp and read, which means that you are smart. There are a few things that I need to talk to you about...you are getting on my nerves.
1. Get over yourself
2. Quit feeling down
3. Be thankful
4. Stop acting like you are the only one that has an issue with ice cream
5. Go to the $&@! gym already
6. So what if you can't run right now, at least you can walk
7. Buy stock in your local therapist
8. Please sign up for some type of race or something to get you motivated
9. Get your hair cut and layer the Chapstick on thick
10. Get over it
I am sorry that I am writing to you and being so rude but sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with your brain? Did you miss the line for self-control? Did you fall asleep during health and nutrition class? Did you have a seizure in the middle of "how to be happy 101?". I am really excited that tomorrow you are starting a "healthy life" again for the 50th time. You can do it. I am on your side. Please let me know if you need me.
Sincerely,
Your Friend
I think you are really nice and pretty. You have beautiful blue eyes and you are really funny. You are a really good teacher and you make the best cakes. You can eat Ice cream like nobody I know. You like to camp and read, which means that you are smart. There are a few things that I need to talk to you about...you are getting on my nerves.
1. Get over yourself
2. Quit feeling down
3. Be thankful
4. Stop acting like you are the only one that has an issue with ice cream
5. Go to the $&@! gym already
6. So what if you can't run right now, at least you can walk
7. Buy stock in your local therapist
8. Please sign up for some type of race or something to get you motivated
9. Get your hair cut and layer the Chapstick on thick
10. Get over it
I am sorry that I am writing to you and being so rude but sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with your brain? Did you miss the line for self-control? Did you fall asleep during health and nutrition class? Did you have a seizure in the middle of "how to be happy 101?". I am really excited that tomorrow you are starting a "healthy life" again for the 50th time. You can do it. I am on your side. Please let me know if you need me.
Sincerely,
Your Friend
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Finding God
Finding God
I continue to look for Him but I can't find Him
I know he's there waiting for me to come home,
Love never failing
Waiting for me
With each word the guilt cuts my heart
He still waits for me, Love never failing,
Searching for love that only comes from the Father
Wanting and hoping,
He still waits for me, Love never failing
Where are you?
Why have you gone?
I know you are here but the feeling is empty,
I reach for your hand but i don't feel you
I call out your name but nobody answers,
He still waits for me, Love never failing
Looking in all the wrong places
I know you're there, Love never failing,
drifting away
Pull me back
Tug at my heart
Tell me you're there,
Reaching for something that resembles His love,
Hoping for love never failing
searching for You don't you see?
Reach down and pull me out,
I will find you, I know you are there
You call to me
Your love never failing,
Finding God.
I continue to look for Him but I can't find Him
I know he's there waiting for me to come home,
Love never failing
Waiting for me
With each word the guilt cuts my heart
He still waits for me, Love never failing,
Searching for love that only comes from the Father
Wanting and hoping,
He still waits for me, Love never failing
Where are you?
Why have you gone?
I know you are here but the feeling is empty,
I reach for your hand but i don't feel you
I call out your name but nobody answers,
He still waits for me, Love never failing
Looking in all the wrong places
I know you're there, Love never failing,
drifting away
Pull me back
Tug at my heart
Tell me you're there,
Reaching for something that resembles His love,
Hoping for love never failing
searching for You don't you see?
Reach down and pull me out,
I will find you, I know you are there
You call to me
Your love never failing,
Finding God.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Damn Food
Everywhere I turn I see food.
I can't stop. It is so good.
Everywhere I turn I see food.
I can't stop. It is so good.
sabotaging myself
Food calls to me like it needs my help
lost in its consumption
With every bite there is a guilty feeling.
Fatness is everywhere.
As I stuffed two cupcakes in my mouth today I remembered that I don't even really like cupcakes.
I turn to food
Doesn't matter the mood it is always food.
Damn Food.
I am so sick and tired of wanting to eat all day long.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was
Damn Food.
hidden behind the mouthful is the sadness and regret of something else
one more bite and it all goes away
Damn Food.
trying to fill the void that is there
one more spoonful and it all goes away
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
Damn Food
I can't stop. It is so good.
Everywhere I turn I see food.
I can't stop. It is so good.
sabotaging myself
Food calls to me like it needs my help
lost in its consumption
With every bite there is a guilty feeling.
Fatness is everywhere.
As I stuffed two cupcakes in my mouth today I remembered that I don't even really like cupcakes.
I turn to food
Doesn't matter the mood it is always food.
Damn Food.
I am so sick and tired of wanting to eat all day long.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was
Damn Food.
hidden behind the mouthful is the sadness and regret of something else
one more bite and it all goes away
Damn Food.
trying to fill the void that is there
one more spoonful and it all goes away
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
Damn Food
Friday, June 22, 2012
Fifty Shades of Ice Cream
I've always known that I've had a little crazy in me but last night pushed me over the edge I think.
It all started with Chic-Fil-A.
I went to Chic-Fil-A during lunch time and I knew from the beginning that it was a bad idea. Of course I ordered an Oreo Milkshake, no whip, no cherry (like that takes off a lot of calories). Its like ordering light mayonnaise instead of real mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is just bad for you, light or not.
That in itself would have been ok. But yesterday I was like a drug a addict on a Sunday morning...wanting more (no offense to drug addicts).
For a few days I've been fantasizing about going to a yogurt place and loading my cup up with yogurt and a lot of crushed Heath Bar pieces. I've never been to a Yogurt specialty store but I've heard about them. I've heard that there is no set price. Its all about how much your cup weighs. Maybe one day I will have the courage to weigh my cup.
When I was younger I LOVED TCBY. I am imagining that it is 3 times better.
Anyways, I've been thinking about overeating ice cream for days. Waiting for the right time when I was by myself and nobody would interrupt my plan.
The time never came.
Until last night.
I knew that after the painting last night I could go to this place that I had dreamed about for the past few days and nobody would know. It was premeditated.
So as I put my seat belt on I knew that the Yogurt place I heard about was at least 20 min. away. It was late. I wanted it, but not that bad.
So I did what anybody would do...I typed Dairy Queen in my GPS. 15 miles away. Yikes.
Was it worth it? I decided no. I knew that Goodberrys would give me what I needed. That satisfaction of sweetness.
When I pulled in my parking spot, I pulled up next to 2 high schoolers in their car. The windows were down and one was in the driver's seat and another one was in the back seat. I parked too close. I could barely get out of my door. I just knew that they would use the situation later in the evening as a good joke. There was no way I was parking again, what if Goodberry's was about to close? I wasn't going to miss out. They were very nice though. Very encouraging. "Oh you got it ma'am, don't worry you got it." They were talking about my fat butt fitting through the small space between my door and their car. I had to suck it in.
This wasn't even the bad part.
I walked up to order and of course I ordered vanilla, with Heath, with a little bit of chocolate syrup. I don't know why but I pretended that it was a to-go order. I pretended that I was ordering for Eric. I even pretended that I couldn't remember what Eric wanted. "Hmmm...what did he say he wanted? Oh yes Heath with just a little bit of chocolate syrup. "
"Do you want it in a bag miss?"
Of course I want it in a bag, its not for me. (I didn't say that, I did say yes though)
The minute I got in my car I ripped the bag open and that first bite was hard to explain. It was a very happy feeling. I was in the Red room.
I had received my drug. My brain triggered to a high mode and I felt good.
If only it lasted. Don't get me wrong, it lasted for at least 7 minutes. But afterwards, I went in to why mode?
I found Christian, although his name is Heath.
What does Fifty Shades and Ice Cream have to do with each other you might ask?
Not much but the fact that Christian and Anastasia have a similar relationship to me and Ice Cream. I am an ice cream stalker.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
My Physical Therapist needs to up the Massage Time
I really miss running. I just don't feel the same when I do something different. Not that I've tried, but I know.
I think everyone has an addiction. Some drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, work, TV, facebook, exercise, and of course food. Some of us might have two addictions. It would really work best for me if mine was exercise. There are times in my life when it has been. How do I get back to being an exercise addict?
I've been to the PT twice and I can't wait until I can run again. I pay $60 bucks to have him use a scraper on my heal, show me some stretches, and apply heat to my ankle. Oh and yes I get a small calf massage. I'm thinking about asking him to up the leg massage part. I mean really, $60. There is a lot I could do with that money. I am pretty sure I could get a full body massage for that price. Also, the scraper looks like a cooking utensil I could buy in the $1 section of Target.
Don't get me wrong he is great, but add on a few extra massage minutes please. Or at least give out free alcohol while your scraping the ?!7@ out of my Achilles. I'm also under the assumption that I am the only female who goes to physical therapy. Maybe it is a men's only club and they needed someone to laugh at. Today i was the only person above the age of 21 in there and the only person that weighed more than 120, besides the PT.
While I was laying on the table with heat on my foot I started imagining what all the youngsters were thinking. First of all, they probably thought I hurt myself walking to the frig or getting up from the couch. Second of all they probably thought that it was strange that the intern was standing over me with a timer when I was doing my stretches. Yes, there was an intern, and he for some reason thought I needed a timer for 30 seconds when stretching. Am I that old now that I can't count to 30?
Was there not something else he could do besides Hit the timer. And, he messed up. He kept starting the timer too late. When I was given a new stretch that was 15 seconds 3 times he asked if I wanted him to keep time. Ummmm...no I am pretty sure I can count to 15. I politely said no.
Thank goodness because this was an awkward hip stretch that I was laying on my side and having to put my legs in a triangle and pretty much open my legs. Is there not an, "I've had two kids room, can I do this in private because I am 30 pounds over weight room?" Guess not. I can't wait to go back on Monday and get my mini massage.
Anyways, I am getting up tomorrow at 4:30 to go swimming. If you see me tomorrow please tell me I am fat and maybe just maybe I will become an exercise addict again.
I think everyone has an addiction. Some drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, work, TV, facebook, exercise, and of course food. Some of us might have two addictions. It would really work best for me if mine was exercise. There are times in my life when it has been. How do I get back to being an exercise addict?
I've been to the PT twice and I can't wait until I can run again. I pay $60 bucks to have him use a scraper on my heal, show me some stretches, and apply heat to my ankle. Oh and yes I get a small calf massage. I'm thinking about asking him to up the leg massage part. I mean really, $60. There is a lot I could do with that money. I am pretty sure I could get a full body massage for that price. Also, the scraper looks like a cooking utensil I could buy in the $1 section of Target.
Don't get me wrong he is great, but add on a few extra massage minutes please. Or at least give out free alcohol while your scraping the ?!7@ out of my Achilles. I'm also under the assumption that I am the only female who goes to physical therapy. Maybe it is a men's only club and they needed someone to laugh at. Today i was the only person above the age of 21 in there and the only person that weighed more than 120, besides the PT.
While I was laying on the table with heat on my foot I started imagining what all the youngsters were thinking. First of all, they probably thought I hurt myself walking to the frig or getting up from the couch. Second of all they probably thought that it was strange that the intern was standing over me with a timer when I was doing my stretches. Yes, there was an intern, and he for some reason thought I needed a timer for 30 seconds when stretching. Am I that old now that I can't count to 30?
Was there not something else he could do besides Hit the timer. And, he messed up. He kept starting the timer too late. When I was given a new stretch that was 15 seconds 3 times he asked if I wanted him to keep time. Ummmm...no I am pretty sure I can count to 15. I politely said no.
Thank goodness because this was an awkward hip stretch that I was laying on my side and having to put my legs in a triangle and pretty much open my legs. Is there not an, "I've had two kids room, can I do this in private because I am 30 pounds over weight room?" Guess not. I can't wait to go back on Monday and get my mini massage.
Anyways, I am getting up tomorrow at 4:30 to go swimming. If you see me tomorrow please tell me I am fat and maybe just maybe I will become an exercise addict again.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thank You Eric
Eric and I got married young and it seems like we were even younger when we had kids. We quickly went from one step to the next. A year after being married I got pregnant.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventurous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, disciplines them, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventurous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, disciplines them, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
Eric and I got married young and it seems like we were even younger when we had kids. We quickly went from one step to the next. A year after being married I got pregnant.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventerous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, discipline thems, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventerous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, discipline thems, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Missing You
There are many moments in life that you wish you could take back or redo. I'm sure everyone has experienced this. If not, you aren't normal. I have many of those moments. Actions or choices that I made but didn't think. Words that were spoken but shouldn't have been. Kindness that should have been but wasn't.
It is hard to admit that we have these flaws. We were made to show kindness and love to others. Sometimes I wonder how it is so hard to show love or kindness to everyone?
I see this hope of love towards others in my children and I'm thankful.
I saw this kindness and love in my mom. She was like an angel on earth. Her love and patience towards others was like nothing I've ever seen before. The way that she was able to carry on a conversation with a stranger in the store and you knew that stranger left with joy in their heart after speaking with her. The way that when she was ill (which was a lot of the time) when people would come and want to pray for her she would turn it around and pray for them.
I think of my mom in some way each day and today I am thankful. I am thankful that I knew love from my mom for almost 18 years. A love that not everyone gets to experience from a parent. I feel lucky, that I had her and her love for the amount of time I did.
Do I wonder what it would be like knowing her as an adult? Yes.
Do I wonder if she would be proud? Yes.
Do I wish she knew my husband and kids? Yes.
Are there days that I am angry with God and wonder why her? Of course.
But most of the time there are days that I am thankful. Thankful that she taught me love for everyone, kindness, patience, and once again kindness.
I have had a wonderful week, but today I am missing my mom but feeling thankful. It isn't her birthday, or the day of her death, or any of those other days that will forever be tattooed in my brain.
It is just a day. A Friday. A day that I was baking cookies and I started remembering and missing and feeling thankful. It is just a day.
Missing You
It is hard to admit that we have these flaws. We were made to show kindness and love to others. Sometimes I wonder how it is so hard to show love or kindness to everyone?
I see this hope of love towards others in my children and I'm thankful.
I saw this kindness and love in my mom. She was like an angel on earth. Her love and patience towards others was like nothing I've ever seen before. The way that she was able to carry on a conversation with a stranger in the store and you knew that stranger left with joy in their heart after speaking with her. The way that when she was ill (which was a lot of the time) when people would come and want to pray for her she would turn it around and pray for them.
I think of my mom in some way each day and today I am thankful. I am thankful that I knew love from my mom for almost 18 years. A love that not everyone gets to experience from a parent. I feel lucky, that I had her and her love for the amount of time I did.
Do I wonder what it would be like knowing her as an adult? Yes.
Do I wonder if she would be proud? Yes.
Do I wish she knew my husband and kids? Yes.
Are there days that I am angry with God and wonder why her? Of course.
But most of the time there are days that I am thankful. Thankful that she taught me love for everyone, kindness, patience, and once again kindness.
I have had a wonderful week, but today I am missing my mom but feeling thankful. It isn't her birthday, or the day of her death, or any of those other days that will forever be tattooed in my brain.
It is just a day. A Friday. A day that I was baking cookies and I started remembering and missing and feeling thankful. It is just a day.
Missing You
As my fingers touch the keys the words come out of my mouth,
missing you
your love
your smile
your faith
As my fingers touch the keys the sadness flows from my heart,
missing you
your strength
your hope
your never ending thankfulness
so small
so fragile
weak
As my fingers touch the keys the memories overwhelm my thoughts,
missing you
you're here
then gone
missing you.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
No Running for a Few Weeks
Today I went to an Orthopaedic doctor about my Achilles issues. He told me I was smart, which I already knew, to come in while I could still walk.
I am going to do some physical therapy for the next few weeks to hopefully help. The sad news is he told me not to run for awhile :(
I ran 3 miles this morning and man do I miss it. I felt so much better today after running. I am allowed to swim, cycle, or use an elliptical. How exciting. I am just bursting with joy.
I already miss running but at least I am catching this thing early and can hopefully get back to it soon.
Today was a good eating day. I ate 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks.
Right now I am hungry and am hallucinating. The computer is even starting to look like food.
I think I will go to bed so I don't start eating our furniture.
I am going to do some physical therapy for the next few weeks to hopefully help. The sad news is he told me not to run for awhile :(
I ran 3 miles this morning and man do I miss it. I felt so much better today after running. I am allowed to swim, cycle, or use an elliptical. How exciting. I am just bursting with joy.
I already miss running but at least I am catching this thing early and can hopefully get back to it soon.
Today was a good eating day. I ate 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks.
Right now I am hungry and am hallucinating. The computer is even starting to look like food.
I think I will go to bed so I don't start eating our furniture.
Monday, June 11, 2012
2 Hot Friends From High School
If you use your imagination eating a piece of celery can seem like eating a Snickers Bar. You must close your eyes though.
Today while my kids (my class) were at Specials I warmed up a bowl of broccoli that I pretended was a brownie and I ate celery that in my mind was a Snickers Bar. Yes, you can trick your mind. How long will this last I don't know?? But today it worked.
I made it through the day with eating 1200 calories or less (thanks Chrissy for the tip)!! In the world of a food addict everything you do is centered around food, if you let it. The way you drive to and from work, the grocery store you go to, the planned meetings with friends around food, the trip to the teacher's lounge (where you know goodies will be), and well...the more things I write, the more it seems I have a problem.
Which I do, I'm not scared to admit it. I love food. I dream about it. There's no Matthew McConaughey fantasies here, its all Butter Pecan. Although I will say Josh Hartnett comes in 2nd place to Breyers Butter Pecan.
Today when I was collecting papers I pretended that they were different types of ice cream.
I did remember last night that I was fat though. I think when you lose weight you picture yourself as this "other person" and then when you look in the mirror and see that you aren't the imaginary you it sucks. I am glad my confidence is still there, I think I am a super model until I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure or overly confident, I feel good about how I look. I just know what healthy is. I've been there. So I know how healthy I can be and feel. I want that again. I know that right now I am beautiful but not really healthy. I want healthy.
Tonight I ran in to 2 friends from high school while I was out to dinner. Jennifer, thanks for asking about my running and you are Beautiful!! Clark, wow you look really HOT.
It was funny running in to them because it made me think. They both looked great and here I've put on a good 40 pounds since the younger years. So in talking to them I felt it was necessary to spurt out the amount of weight I wanted to lose. Oh yes I threw it out there.
Thinking back I now think that is funny. Why did I need to tell them that I was working towards 30 more pounds? Did I feel insecure? I don't think so. I'm not really an insecure person. Did I want them to know I knew I was fat compared to high school? Not really, I'm sure they could see for themselves.
Maybe its just because a lot of times I say things without thinking. I just say what I want and what I feel.
Anyways, I feel like I've come to a fork in the road the past couple of weeks. I guess utensils are a good way to describe my situation. Do I continue down the path of healthy living? Or do I turn back towards the comfort of food.
The Path Worth Taking:
Choices
We all have them
one leads one way, one the other
it should be simple but its not
what to choose
where to go
who will help
diving into the loneliness of the empty plate
2nds please
no 3rds I'm still hungry
Are you going to eat that?
feeling empty
my heart is breaking
for another helping?
of loneliness or food
feeling fat
have another
plate that
is
feeling full.
we all are searching for that fork
in the road
which way to turn
left or
right
full or
empty
Today while my kids (my class) were at Specials I warmed up a bowl of broccoli that I pretended was a brownie and I ate celery that in my mind was a Snickers Bar. Yes, you can trick your mind. How long will this last I don't know?? But today it worked.
I made it through the day with eating 1200 calories or less (thanks Chrissy for the tip)!! In the world of a food addict everything you do is centered around food, if you let it. The way you drive to and from work, the grocery store you go to, the planned meetings with friends around food, the trip to the teacher's lounge (where you know goodies will be), and well...the more things I write, the more it seems I have a problem.
Which I do, I'm not scared to admit it. I love food. I dream about it. There's no Matthew McConaughey fantasies here, its all Butter Pecan. Although I will say Josh Hartnett comes in 2nd place to Breyers Butter Pecan.
Today when I was collecting papers I pretended that they were different types of ice cream.
I did remember last night that I was fat though. I think when you lose weight you picture yourself as this "other person" and then when you look in the mirror and see that you aren't the imaginary you it sucks. I am glad my confidence is still there, I think I am a super model until I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure or overly confident, I feel good about how I look. I just know what healthy is. I've been there. So I know how healthy I can be and feel. I want that again. I know that right now I am beautiful but not really healthy. I want healthy.
Tonight I ran in to 2 friends from high school while I was out to dinner. Jennifer, thanks for asking about my running and you are Beautiful!! Clark, wow you look really HOT.
It was funny running in to them because it made me think. They both looked great and here I've put on a good 40 pounds since the younger years. So in talking to them I felt it was necessary to spurt out the amount of weight I wanted to lose. Oh yes I threw it out there.
Thinking back I now think that is funny. Why did I need to tell them that I was working towards 30 more pounds? Did I feel insecure? I don't think so. I'm not really an insecure person. Did I want them to know I knew I was fat compared to high school? Not really, I'm sure they could see for themselves.
Maybe its just because a lot of times I say things without thinking. I just say what I want and what I feel.
Anyways, I feel like I've come to a fork in the road the past couple of weeks. I guess utensils are a good way to describe my situation. Do I continue down the path of healthy living? Or do I turn back towards the comfort of food.
The Path Worth Taking:
Choices
We all have them
one leads one way, one the other
it should be simple but its not
what to choose
where to go
who will help
diving into the loneliness of the empty plate
2nds please
no 3rds I'm still hungry
Are you going to eat that?
feeling empty
my heart is breaking
for another helping?
of loneliness or food
feeling fat
have another
plate that
is
feeling full.
we all are searching for that fork
in the road
which way to turn
left or
right
full or
empty
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Food Intervention Needed
As I finish my 3rd bowl of Captain Crunch I think about the "old days" just a month ago. How healthy and good I felt. I was eating healthy and running 4 times a week.
Well a week before my half marathon I hurt my Achilles tendon. I rested it and was able to run the half. Since then I've had issues and it is depressing.
I really love running. It is therapy for me. It really takes the place of my overeating. So what do I do now that every time I run I feel my Achilles pop for a few day afterwards. This stinks. Right when I was on a good track something like this happens. I know I need to rest it, but running is calling my name. I need it.
Maybe the problem is that I don't need it. The only thing I really need is God. I went from relying on food to relying on running, so I need to try and rely on God. I do need something to keep me healthy though. I need to see a doctor about it, the running that is.
I also need to find something to do while my Achilles heals. Maybe swimming? I don't know.
In the past month I think I've eaten everything and I mean everything in sight. Shoveling food in to my mouth. It is disgusting. I feel gross. Why is this so hard? Why can't I be one of those people that doesn't obsess over food. Is it genetic? Why is it so hard to not eat everything around me?
Well...I have to go check and see if there is any butter pecan left. :)
Intervention Needed.
Well a week before my half marathon I hurt my Achilles tendon. I rested it and was able to run the half. Since then I've had issues and it is depressing.
I really love running. It is therapy for me. It really takes the place of my overeating. So what do I do now that every time I run I feel my Achilles pop for a few day afterwards. This stinks. Right when I was on a good track something like this happens. I know I need to rest it, but running is calling my name. I need it.
Maybe the problem is that I don't need it. The only thing I really need is God. I went from relying on food to relying on running, so I need to try and rely on God. I do need something to keep me healthy though. I need to see a doctor about it, the running that is.
I also need to find something to do while my Achilles heals. Maybe swimming? I don't know.
In the past month I think I've eaten everything and I mean everything in sight. Shoveling food in to my mouth. It is disgusting. I feel gross. Why is this so hard? Why can't I be one of those people that doesn't obsess over food. Is it genetic? Why is it so hard to not eat everything around me?
Well...I have to go check and see if there is any butter pecan left. :)
Intervention Needed.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Day Two in Nashville: Relaxing Before the Big Race
We made a bad mistake of going to the hotel buffet. It was gross but for some reason we still ate it. Not too much of it though.
On Friday we spent a good amount of the day walking around. We went to the Tennessee Titans stadium and walked around downtown.
We were excited about picking a restaurant for dinner. I knew I wanted to eat steak the night before the race. The best long run I ever had I ate steak the night before so I knew it would give me some extra confidence.
We asked around and decided to go to Demos'. This was one of the best steaks I've ever had. Of course CC sent me a text in the middle of dinner. I gladly reported to her that I was eating my "planned" meal. Steak and broccoli.
We ate and then went back to the hotel and watched a movie. We loved our hotel. I think we could have stayed in it the whole time. People that get to stay in "fancy" hotels often might not know how it is for us less frequent flyers when we do get to go there. If you do get to say in hotels all the time make sure you think of us that don't and really enjoy it!!
We loved it. It was also very nice knowing that our kids were in good hands and we could really relax.
We put out our running items and went to bed. I was nervous but calm. It was weird. I felt really focused. I believe I set 4 alarms. I really didn't want to oversleep.
On Friday we spent a good amount of the day walking around. We went to the Tennessee Titans stadium and walked around downtown.
We were excited about picking a restaurant for dinner. I knew I wanted to eat steak the night before the race. The best long run I ever had I ate steak the night before so I knew it would give me some extra confidence.
We asked around and decided to go to Demos'. This was one of the best steaks I've ever had. Of course CC sent me a text in the middle of dinner. I gladly reported to her that I was eating my "planned" meal. Steak and broccoli.
We ate and then went back to the hotel and watched a movie. We loved our hotel. I think we could have stayed in it the whole time. People that get to stay in "fancy" hotels often might not know how it is for us less frequent flyers when we do get to go there. If you do get to say in hotels all the time make sure you think of us that don't and really enjoy it!!
We loved it. It was also very nice knowing that our kids were in good hands and we could really relax.
We put out our running items and went to bed. I was nervous but calm. It was weird. I felt really focused. I believe I set 4 alarms. I really didn't want to oversleep.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Day 1 in Nashville: Dancing and Ice Cream
I can't believe I haven't written about our trip yet. It has been CRAZY since we got back and really I haven't been in a writing or computer mood. I've been reading. Now that I've finished my books, which I am really sad about, I am ready to write about our half marathon.
When I woke up Thursday morning for our trip to Nashville I couldn't wait to jump on the scale. In my mind I told myself I wanted to get below 160 before we left for our trip (this was a personal goal I had). The day before we left I was 160.4. I weighed myself and I was 159.6!!! I was really excited.
We left Thursday early and arrived in Nashville at 8:00 am. The plane ride was bumpy but it was nice to be going somewhere.
We dropped off our luggage at the Courtyard in downtown, which was very nice I must say, and we headed to breakfast at Union 417, which had the best breakfast. After that we got in line for the Expo to open.
When I woke up Thursday morning for our trip to Nashville I couldn't wait to jump on the scale. In my mind I told myself I wanted to get below 160 before we left for our trip (this was a personal goal I had). The day before we left I was 160.4. I weighed myself and I was 159.6!!! I was really excited.
We left Thursday early and arrived in Nashville at 8:00 am. The plane ride was bumpy but it was nice to be going somewhere.
We dropped off our luggage at the Courtyard in downtown, which was very nice I must say, and we headed to breakfast at Union 417, which had the best breakfast. After that we got in line for the Expo to open.
We spent 3 hours at the Expo!! We had a great time. We bought a few items and enjoyed all the free stuff they had to offer.
We then went and checked in to our hotel and relaxed for a little while.
So one might think that if you are going to run a half-marathon on Saturday that you take it easy the two nights before. Well...maybe it was because it was the first night without kids for us in awhile, or maybe it was because the beer tasted so good at the Wildhorse Saloon. I don't know which one but for some reason we decided to let loose on Thursday night.
The food at the Wildhorse was amazing and the Blue Moon didn't taste so bad either. We left the Wildhorse Saloon and headed down Broadway to hear a band.
We walked in to Merchants, which wasn't crowded and fell in love with the band. Well Eric did. For some reason Eric thought it was his mission to video tape this band. I'm not sure if he thought he was going to get some type of country music video out of it or what. It was my mission to try and see how many times I could dance my way in to his video that he was trying to take. It was also my mission to get everyone in there dancing, I somewhat succeeded. It was really funny.
We danced, laughed, and stayed there most of the night. The band asked us if we wanted to go to their next gig with them. I guess they wanted groupies. We said, "yes" and followed them to the next place. This was about 10:00. After 30 minutes of this place we were ready to go back to the hotel. Kidless or not we knew our age and limits. :) Of course we had to get ice cream before we went to bed.
I think I ate here every day. It was soooooooooooo scrumptious.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Nashville Here We Come!!!
I am going to run 13.1 miles on Saturday at 7:00 AM and I can't wait. I just finished packing my bag and I put my running stuff in my carry on just in case my other bag gets lost. So, that is how I know how excited I am.
I first of all want to thank Cori B. for being my running coach. It is really hard to explain what a support she has been to me. I don't think I would have made it this far without her. She pushed me when I thought I couldn't do anymore and she was there to listen. Besides meeting with me once a week to run, she checked in with me to see how I was doing, organized my workout plan, and encouraged me. I am so thankful that God brought her in to my life as a running coach and now as a friend. Even though she went Jillian Michaels on me many times she also had a softer side when needed. I am forever thankful.
I've never really thought of myself as being controlling or OCD, but as I sent out the third itinerary yesterday to the different people that are keeping our children, I realized that maybe my vision of my self could be cloudy. Today one of them told me I forgot to include in the schedule which side to part Kate's hair on.
The last time Eric and I went on a "trip" together was probably 5 years ago for a weekend to visit my good friend in Breckenridge. We went on a date to Outback not too long ago and ended up getting in an argument because I called the babysitter 3 times in 3 hours. So I've told myself that I'm not going to worry on this trip. I need to enjoy my time with my husband and not worry about the kids. I need to just give it to God, because He is the one who is in control. That is easier said than done though. So please pray that I have peace while I am away from Reece and Kate.
I feel good though about going. I want to thank Molly, Steph, and Willner who are all sharing the responsibility of keeping the kids for us while we are away. I promise I won't stalker call!!! Thank you to Kaleena for taking us to the airport tomorrow EARLY and for picking us up!!! (I hope I didn't leave anyone off)
I also want to thank anyone who has given me words of encouragement, you have helped me put my running shoes on some mornings.
I can't believe I made it. I am really going to run 13.1 miles. That just seems crazy that in January I was running 3 miles and now I am ready for a half-marathon!!
I can't wait to write about the run. Next time you here from me I will be a half-marathoner!!! :)
I first of all want to thank Cori B. for being my running coach. It is really hard to explain what a support she has been to me. I don't think I would have made it this far without her. She pushed me when I thought I couldn't do anymore and she was there to listen. Besides meeting with me once a week to run, she checked in with me to see how I was doing, organized my workout plan, and encouraged me. I am so thankful that God brought her in to my life as a running coach and now as a friend. Even though she went Jillian Michaels on me many times she also had a softer side when needed. I am forever thankful.
I've never really thought of myself as being controlling or OCD, but as I sent out the third itinerary yesterday to the different people that are keeping our children, I realized that maybe my vision of my self could be cloudy. Today one of them told me I forgot to include in the schedule which side to part Kate's hair on.
The last time Eric and I went on a "trip" together was probably 5 years ago for a weekend to visit my good friend in Breckenridge. We went on a date to Outback not too long ago and ended up getting in an argument because I called the babysitter 3 times in 3 hours. So I've told myself that I'm not going to worry on this trip. I need to enjoy my time with my husband and not worry about the kids. I need to just give it to God, because He is the one who is in control. That is easier said than done though. So please pray that I have peace while I am away from Reece and Kate.
I feel good though about going. I want to thank Molly, Steph, and Willner who are all sharing the responsibility of keeping the kids for us while we are away. I promise I won't stalker call!!! Thank you to Kaleena for taking us to the airport tomorrow EARLY and for picking us up!!! (I hope I didn't leave anyone off)
I also want to thank anyone who has given me words of encouragement, you have helped me put my running shoes on some mornings.
I can't believe I made it. I am really going to run 13.1 miles. That just seems crazy that in January I was running 3 miles and now I am ready for a half-marathon!!
I can't wait to write about the run. Next time you here from me I will be a half-marathoner!!! :)
Friday, April 20, 2012
Busted
"One small Heath Blizzard please."
"Please pull up to pay miss."
As I reached in my purse to pull out my money, I heard my phone go off. I could taste the ice cream and the thought of the Heath bar pieces were making me foam at the mouth.
That's when I checked my phone.
And guess what? My Coach Cori sent me a text saying "How are you feeling today?"
%*)&U*(&%$#@ is what I thought in my head. I knew I couldn't go threw with it now. That was a sign from God. He really didn't want me eating that Dairy Queen blizzard.
I took two bites and then sent CC a text back about what happened and she talked me out of it. I didn't eat anymore. Later on that evening I was glad that I didn't stuff the ice cream in my face. I need to stick to my once a week ice cream indulgence.
I knew why I wanted to eat though. I felt discouraged. About a week ago my Achilles tendon started hurting. It felt better this past Sunday so I ran the almost 11 miles. I could barely walk the next day. Lots of Pain. I haven't really ran since. I jogged 2 miles the other day and that is it. I am icing and resting it.
I miss running. Everything I've read online says that I need to rest my Achilles though. I'm afraid that if I run in the next few days I could really injure myself and miss out on the race. It is very hard. I know I will be fine for our half-marathon which is only a week away!!! I'm not worried about training this week. I feel ready. I just don't like NOT running. I feel so much better when I do. Maybe I will swim tomorrow morning.
I WANT TO RUN!!!
"Please pull up to pay miss."
As I reached in my purse to pull out my money, I heard my phone go off. I could taste the ice cream and the thought of the Heath bar pieces were making me foam at the mouth.
That's when I checked my phone.
And guess what? My Coach Cori sent me a text saying "How are you feeling today?"
%*)&U*(&%$#@ is what I thought in my head. I knew I couldn't go threw with it now. That was a sign from God. He really didn't want me eating that Dairy Queen blizzard.
I took two bites and then sent CC a text back about what happened and she talked me out of it. I didn't eat anymore. Later on that evening I was glad that I didn't stuff the ice cream in my face. I need to stick to my once a week ice cream indulgence.
I knew why I wanted to eat though. I felt discouraged. About a week ago my Achilles tendon started hurting. It felt better this past Sunday so I ran the almost 11 miles. I could barely walk the next day. Lots of Pain. I haven't really ran since. I jogged 2 miles the other day and that is it. I am icing and resting it.
I miss running. Everything I've read online says that I need to rest my Achilles though. I'm afraid that if I run in the next few days I could really injure myself and miss out on the race. It is very hard. I know I will be fine for our half-marathon which is only a week away!!! I'm not worried about training this week. I feel ready. I just don't like NOT running. I feel so much better when I do. Maybe I will swim tomorrow morning.
I WANT TO RUN!!!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Stronger Than I Think
Ok, so we all know that I didn't do so well at the beginning of last week. What I did do is turn it around. I've been working hard these past couple of days and I am feeling proud.
Proud that in January I was running 3 miles and today I ran 10.74
Today wasn't just 10.74, it was the hardest run I've ever done. My CC took me on the craziest, hilliest, run that is known to man. The last half mile I really wanted to give up but I didn't. I was hurting. I am pretty sure that my CC told me two more blocks at least 3 times. At one point I'm not even sure if I was forming complete sentences. I ended up doing about a 10:40 minute mile which I am very proud of.
At the end of the run I thought I was going to throw up and pass out all at the same time. I think I told Cori that I felt like I was walking on space. Of course it never happened. I didn't throw up or pass out.
About 10 minutes after the run I felt great.
I've been thinking about that run all day today and how good it felt at the end (after I felt sick) and I can't wait for the half-marathon. I am excited to accomplish something that I've never done before.
I can't believe it is only 2 weeks away.
I am a lot stronger than I think.
It amazes me how we let our thoughts take over us and make us feel bad about ourselves. I say "we" because I am pretty sure that I'm not the only who lets their mind wonder to negative thoughts.
With me it is usually about body image that I have trouble (I'm sure you could have guessed that). In other areas in my life I feel very confident and spend very little time having negative thoughts.
When it comes to my body and what I think about what I look like I really struggle. I don't know why. I mean I don't think I'm ugly or anything. I've just never been confident in my looks. Growing up I've always had trouble with this.
This is probably something that I will always struggle with.
I am stronger than I think though. I've been through a lot in life, as I am sure most people have, and I consider myself somewhat normal.
Today I feel proud.
Proud that in January I was running 3 miles and today I ran 10.74
Today wasn't just 10.74, it was the hardest run I've ever done. My CC took me on the craziest, hilliest, run that is known to man. The last half mile I really wanted to give up but I didn't. I was hurting. I am pretty sure that my CC told me two more blocks at least 3 times. At one point I'm not even sure if I was forming complete sentences. I ended up doing about a 10:40 minute mile which I am very proud of.
At the end of the run I thought I was going to throw up and pass out all at the same time. I think I told Cori that I felt like I was walking on space. Of course it never happened. I didn't throw up or pass out.
About 10 minutes after the run I felt great.
I've been thinking about that run all day today and how good it felt at the end (after I felt sick) and I can't wait for the half-marathon. I am excited to accomplish something that I've never done before.
I can't believe it is only 2 weeks away.
I am a lot stronger than I think.
It amazes me how we let our thoughts take over us and make us feel bad about ourselves. I say "we" because I am pretty sure that I'm not the only who lets their mind wonder to negative thoughts.
With me it is usually about body image that I have trouble (I'm sure you could have guessed that). In other areas in my life I feel very confident and spend very little time having negative thoughts.
When it comes to my body and what I think about what I look like I really struggle. I don't know why. I mean I don't think I'm ugly or anything. I've just never been confident in my looks. Growing up I've always had trouble with this.
This is probably something that I will always struggle with.
I am stronger than I think though. I've been through a lot in life, as I am sure most people have, and I consider myself somewhat normal.
Today I feel proud.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Stuffing My Face
I feel sick.
Think of your favorite food.
Most likely I ate it this past week. This was not a good week for me.
It started out ok. We went camping Thur-Sat. and I was supposed to get up on Friday and run 10 miles with my CC. Well it was raining and I didn't want to leave our family camping trip for 3 hours to go run.
I told myself that I would run on Saturday when we got home from camping and I did. I ran 10 miles by myself, which I am proud of. Part of the run was in the dark and it was scary and I won't ever do that again. I think I sprinted the last 2 miles due to fear.
I had a few slip ups at the beach and then at camping but nothing that made me feel like "Yuck, why did I do this?"
I ate too much candy in the past few days and today was horrible. We were driving back from Charlotte and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go to Chic-Fil-A. Not a good idea. Of course I ordered a large ice cream cone. The lady taking my order asked me twice if it was a large. I did think to myself that maybe that was a hint.
But I ordered it anyways.
That wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't just stuff my face with pizza. Oh and to make matters worse I volunteered to go get the pizza so that I could bring my refillable Sunset Slush cup with me and sneak in 4 scoops of Sunset Slush.
I mean why do I have a refillable "sweet cup" sitting around my house? It is just so hard. I just wish I could easily eat healthy all the time. Maybe if I had my own personal chef.
I feel sick.
Think of your favorite food.
Most likely I ate it this past week. This was not a good week for me.
It started out ok. We went camping Thur-Sat. and I was supposed to get up on Friday and run 10 miles with my CC. Well it was raining and I didn't want to leave our family camping trip for 3 hours to go run.
I told myself that I would run on Saturday when we got home from camping and I did. I ran 10 miles by myself, which I am proud of. Part of the run was in the dark and it was scary and I won't ever do that again. I think I sprinted the last 2 miles due to fear.
I had a few slip ups at the beach and then at camping but nothing that made me feel like "Yuck, why did I do this?"
I ate too much candy in the past few days and today was horrible. We were driving back from Charlotte and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go to Chic-Fil-A. Not a good idea. Of course I ordered a large ice cream cone. The lady taking my order asked me twice if it was a large. I did think to myself that maybe that was a hint.
But I ordered it anyways.
That wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't just stuff my face with pizza. Oh and to make matters worse I volunteered to go get the pizza so that I could bring my refillable Sunset Slush cup with me and sneak in 4 scoops of Sunset Slush.
I mean why do I have a refillable "sweet cup" sitting around my house? It is just so hard. I just wish I could easily eat healthy all the time. Maybe if I had my own personal chef.
I feel sick.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Wal-Mart, Jesus, and Beer
"Mommy didn't you say you weren't drinking beer anymore?"
Yes, we were in the middle of Wal-Mart shopping for camping items and in the middle of the "alcohol aisle" Reece yells out, "Mommy didn't you say you weren't drinking beer until your race?"
Really in the middle of the aisle? He yelled it. All the stay at home moms quickly turned towards me and gave me this evil stare, like "Your 7 year old knows what beer is??"
Yes, my 7 year old knows what beer is. I've even asked him to "hand me a beer from the frig."
And...the beer was for Eric. Well at first it was.
I told Reece that is something you really don't yell in front of people in a store.
Also, as I was reaching in to the frig tonight to grab a Shock-Top Reece comes up behind me and says "Are you drinking that?" "What about your race?"
What do I say? "Mommy isn't drinking wine until the race honey, not beer."
Ok, so I stink at detox. Maybe I'm just not meant for it. I like to have a beer every once in a while and some ice cream here and there (ok we all know the ice cream thing here and there isn't true).
It is hard being a mom that works full time and if I want a beer at 8 or 7 or 6 or even 4 I deserve it. Ok, maybe not 4.
I grew up thinking that alcohol was the devil. Which it can be if you drink too many. I grew up going to a Baptist Church (which I have wonderful memories of) and I've spent a lot of my life feeling guilty. Feeling guilty, more guilty, and even more guilty. I felt like I always thought I wasn't doing good enough for God. That I had to be perfect for Him to love me and to go to heaven. If I said a bad word I would feel guilty about it for days. I know that sounds crazy but it is true.
I missed out though for awhile. I didn't realize that God sent his son Jesus for me. I of course knew it but I didn't really KNOW it. And God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and whoever else is on their team wants me to not feel guilty (maybe sometimes). They want me to focus on loving others and Them and serving. I knew it all but I focused on what I wasn't doing right.
Thankful that we are celebrating Easter where our Lord and Savior rose from the grave and it reminds me of how much I am loved my my Heavenly Father.
So what does beer and Jesus have to do with each other?
A lot for me.
Yes, we were in the middle of Wal-Mart shopping for camping items and in the middle of the "alcohol aisle" Reece yells out, "Mommy didn't you say you weren't drinking beer until your race?"
Really in the middle of the aisle? He yelled it. All the stay at home moms quickly turned towards me and gave me this evil stare, like "Your 7 year old knows what beer is??"
Yes, my 7 year old knows what beer is. I've even asked him to "hand me a beer from the frig."
And...the beer was for Eric. Well at first it was.
I told Reece that is something you really don't yell in front of people in a store.
Also, as I was reaching in to the frig tonight to grab a Shock-Top Reece comes up behind me and says "Are you drinking that?" "What about your race?"
What do I say? "Mommy isn't drinking wine until the race honey, not beer."
Ok, so I stink at detox. Maybe I'm just not meant for it. I like to have a beer every once in a while and some ice cream here and there (ok we all know the ice cream thing here and there isn't true).
It is hard being a mom that works full time and if I want a beer at 8 or 7 or 6 or even 4 I deserve it. Ok, maybe not 4.
I grew up thinking that alcohol was the devil. Which it can be if you drink too many. I grew up going to a Baptist Church (which I have wonderful memories of) and I've spent a lot of my life feeling guilty. Feeling guilty, more guilty, and even more guilty. I felt like I always thought I wasn't doing good enough for God. That I had to be perfect for Him to love me and to go to heaven. If I said a bad word I would feel guilty about it for days. I know that sounds crazy but it is true.
I missed out though for awhile. I didn't realize that God sent his son Jesus for me. I of course knew it but I didn't really KNOW it. And God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and whoever else is on their team wants me to not feel guilty (maybe sometimes). They want me to focus on loving others and Them and serving. I knew it all but I focused on what I wasn't doing right.
Thankful that we are celebrating Easter where our Lord and Savior rose from the grave and it reminds me of how much I am loved my my Heavenly Father.
So what does beer and Jesus have to do with each other?
A lot for me.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
My Husband Tried to Leave Me
We just got back from the beach and I survived it without gaining all the weight back. I also survived running my long run without my Coach Cori.
I wasn't too excited about running 10 miles without my partner in crime. I was really nervous. Since I've been running longer "long runs" I've always done them with my coach.
Let's just say running with two men is different. At one point I had to remind Eric that he was leaving me. I looked up and for some reason Eric and Peter are quickly moving ahead of me. I ignored it at first but then the distance was building, and I thought to myself, "I am being left behind..."
So I did what any wife running with her husband would do. I yelled his name and then...
I had to give him a pep talk on how that really shouldn't happen in our half-marathon since we are running it together to celebrate 10 years together. He apparently was in a running zone and simply didn't realize how much he was pulling away from me. So he almost left me in the dust or sand.
I felt like this was a good time to bring up us getting matching shirts that say, "Celebrating 10 years by running our first 1/2 Marathon" and wearing them during our race.
He quickly regained himself and threw out some positive comments here and there about me but somehow never answered my question about the matching shirts.
Hmmm...
It was a quiet run.
Luckily we were at the beach and I could "people watch" and admire the beautiful ocean. I also used the time to reflect on the many strategies my coach had given me. This was the time to try them out.
It was actually a good thing because it gave me the confidence that I will need to finish the half-marathon. Although I don't like running without my coach at least now I know that it is possible.
Not that Eric and Peter weren't good running partners, I loved every minute of our 10 miles together. Coach Cori just knows when I need someone to talk to me and she starts talking and she knows when I need a running strategy and she knows when I need someone to push me. That is why she is an awesome coach!!! That is probably why I have been able to get to the point where I am. I have a strong support system in my Coach Cori and in Eric at home.
My father-in-law who is in his 60's is in excellent shape and amazed me at how effortless the run was to him. He stepped in to "coach mode" the last mile. He could probably tell when I started grunting that I might need some encouragement. He kept me going by his kind words.
Eric on the other hand was still trying to leave me.
No, not really. He was a step ahead of us but wasn't leaving me this time (he was probably afraid I would have us wearing matching everything by the end) I think he was trying to survive the 10 miles himself which makes it harder for him to step into the "coach mode".
Looking back on it accomplishing 10 miles is just crazy. Eric and I keep saying how we can't believe we ran 10 miles together.
*I would like to say although he finished one step ahead of me he was VERY sore yesterday and for some reason I felt great!!!
I wasn't too excited about running 10 miles without my partner in crime. I was really nervous. Since I've been running longer "long runs" I've always done them with my coach.
Let's just say running with two men is different. At one point I had to remind Eric that he was leaving me. I looked up and for some reason Eric and Peter are quickly moving ahead of me. I ignored it at first but then the distance was building, and I thought to myself, "I am being left behind..."
So I did what any wife running with her husband would do. I yelled his name and then...
I had to give him a pep talk on how that really shouldn't happen in our half-marathon since we are running it together to celebrate 10 years together. He apparently was in a running zone and simply didn't realize how much he was pulling away from me. So he almost left me in the dust or sand.
I felt like this was a good time to bring up us getting matching shirts that say, "Celebrating 10 years by running our first 1/2 Marathon" and wearing them during our race.
He quickly regained himself and threw out some positive comments here and there about me but somehow never answered my question about the matching shirts.
Hmmm...
It was a quiet run.
Luckily we were at the beach and I could "people watch" and admire the beautiful ocean. I also used the time to reflect on the many strategies my coach had given me. This was the time to try them out.
It was actually a good thing because it gave me the confidence that I will need to finish the half-marathon. Although I don't like running without my coach at least now I know that it is possible.
Not that Eric and Peter weren't good running partners, I loved every minute of our 10 miles together. Coach Cori just knows when I need someone to talk to me and she starts talking and she knows when I need a running strategy and she knows when I need someone to push me. That is why she is an awesome coach!!! That is probably why I have been able to get to the point where I am. I have a strong support system in my Coach Cori and in Eric at home.
My father-in-law who is in his 60's is in excellent shape and amazed me at how effortless the run was to him. He stepped in to "coach mode" the last mile. He could probably tell when I started grunting that I might need some encouragement. He kept me going by his kind words.
Eric on the other hand was still trying to leave me.
No, not really. He was a step ahead of us but wasn't leaving me this time (he was probably afraid I would have us wearing matching everything by the end) I think he was trying to survive the 10 miles himself which makes it harder for him to step into the "coach mode".
Looking back on it accomplishing 10 miles is just crazy. Eric and I keep saying how we can't believe we ran 10 miles together.
*I would like to say although he finished one step ahead of me he was VERY sore yesterday and for some reason I felt great!!!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Feeling Fat Forever
I just don't understand why I can't say no to ice cream.
Let's just say I was caught in a Blizzard today.
I don't want to confess that I ate a Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen because I know that there will be people that will be disappointed in me and I'm sorry. I looked it up afterwards to see how many calories I consumed, 920. Yuck.
I feel like a whale.
I am really fighting an addiction with food.
It was so good though. Every bight felt like...well it is hard to explain.
Why can't I just eat healthy? It should be that simple. I am really pissed off right now.
It just isn't fair. I feel sorry for myself. I rely on overeating to comfort me. Why do I turn to food?
Caught In A Blizzard
you have to eat enough food
but not too much
watch out for the sugar
but don't eat the splenda
don't do this
don't do that
feeling fat
eat more sugar
feeling fatter
caught in a Blizzard
dairy queen, chic-fil-a, mcdonalds,
sunset slush, goodberrys, and don't forget
Breyers
too many places
all around me
stuck
feeling fat
don't forget to hide the evidence
don't want anyone to know
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
candy surrounding me
tasting good
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
feeling down
one bite leads to another
forgetting where it started
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
been relying on myself
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
reaching for my Makers hand
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
My Father above reaches down
He takes my hand and lifts me out
Let's just say I was caught in a Blizzard today.
I don't want to confess that I ate a Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen because I know that there will be people that will be disappointed in me and I'm sorry. I looked it up afterwards to see how many calories I consumed, 920. Yuck.
I feel like a whale.
I am really fighting an addiction with food.
It was so good though. Every bight felt like...well it is hard to explain.
Why can't I just eat healthy? It should be that simple. I am really pissed off right now.
It just isn't fair. I feel sorry for myself. I rely on overeating to comfort me. Why do I turn to food?
Caught In A Blizzard
you have to eat enough food
but not too much
watch out for the sugar
but don't eat the splenda
don't do this
don't do that
feeling fat
eat more sugar
feeling fatter
caught in a Blizzard
dairy queen, chic-fil-a, mcdonalds,
sunset slush, goodberrys, and don't forget
Breyers
too many places
all around me
stuck
feeling fat
don't forget to hide the evidence
don't want anyone to know
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
candy surrounding me
tasting good
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
feeling down
one bite leads to another
forgetting where it started
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
been relying on myself
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
reaching for my Makers hand
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
My Father above reaches down
He takes my hand and lifts me out
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Two Beers, The Best Long Run, and Detox Take 2
Two beers. That is all it took to BLOW my Detox for the week. I mean is it that hard to do something for a week??
We had date night last night and we went to Outback. I ordered a 6 oz. steak and I only ate half of it and I ordered steamed broccoli. I was very proud of this because usually I would order a potato with lots of butter and salt and eat about 4 of their loaves of bread. I had one bite of the bread.
Why couldn't I pass up the Fat Tire that was staring at me from the bar? Yes, we walked in and sat at the bar. Not a good place for someone trying not to drink until their race. And yes that is how the Deatons roll on date night. We sit at a bar, eat steak, drink a beer or two, and watch basketball games. We had the best time!!
Why was the beer calling my name? Well it could be that my husbands Blue Moon sitting inches away from me just looked too delicious. The foam was just slightly towering over the side and with each bubble it seemed to be spelling out my name.
I actually made a good choice if you think about it, so I'm telling myself. If I ordered a glass of wine I would be more likely to drink a glass of wine later on in the week.
Not that I don't like beer as much as wine but I rarely sit down after a long day and crave a beer. There are times, but not like I do wine. (don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything). On a regular basis I would normally drink a glass or two of wine maybe two times a week (I am pretty sure that is normal??) If not maybe someone should set up an intervention of some sort, just let me know.
Anyways, I blew it last night.
The rest of the week I did very well. I decided to taper down from the coffee per Eric's suggestion. He also thought it would be a good idea to quit coffee when I'm tracked out, which means tomorrow. Although I am going to go see Hunger Games tomorrow and I definitely don't want to be grumpy for that. So, maybe Tuesday :)
I did very well on the sweets though and really that is what I need to be focusing on. We were at Maggie Moo's today and I didn't get any ice cream. You heard me right. I didn't get any ice cream. Oh man did I want to get some. But I didn't.
Most importantly, I had the best run today with my CC that I think I've ever had. I did not want to get up this morning at all. I knew I couldn't cancel on CC, she would pull some Jillian Michaels move on me and come drag me out of bed or something. :)
We went running in downtown Raleigh. The weather was beautiful and so was the scenery. It is so hard to explain the feeling that I get when I run the long runs. It is such a peaceful feeling and it clears my mind. Today my knees didn't hurt, I felt confident, and it went by fast.
Of course Jillian Michaels, I mean Coach Cori, saved the hills for the last two miles this time. She's ruthless. She pushed me to sprint at the end. It was our fastest run together, 9.54 miles with an average 10:30 per mile.
I had to confess to her about blowing my detox for a night and I'm pretty sure she added on a few extra hills for it. Note to self: Confess after the run.
Today was also the best I felt after a long run. I could walk today. I tried to tell CC that my run was so awesome because of the 2 beers I had but for some reason she didn't think so. Maybe it was the steak.
So Detox Take 2 will start tomorrow :) Hopefully next week I will be blogging about how I finally made it a week!!!
We had date night last night and we went to Outback. I ordered a 6 oz. steak and I only ate half of it and I ordered steamed broccoli. I was very proud of this because usually I would order a potato with lots of butter and salt and eat about 4 of their loaves of bread. I had one bite of the bread.
Why couldn't I pass up the Fat Tire that was staring at me from the bar? Yes, we walked in and sat at the bar. Not a good place for someone trying not to drink until their race. And yes that is how the Deatons roll on date night. We sit at a bar, eat steak, drink a beer or two, and watch basketball games. We had the best time!!
Why was the beer calling my name? Well it could be that my husbands Blue Moon sitting inches away from me just looked too delicious. The foam was just slightly towering over the side and with each bubble it seemed to be spelling out my name.
I actually made a good choice if you think about it, so I'm telling myself. If I ordered a glass of wine I would be more likely to drink a glass of wine later on in the week.
Not that I don't like beer as much as wine but I rarely sit down after a long day and crave a beer. There are times, but not like I do wine. (don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything). On a regular basis I would normally drink a glass or two of wine maybe two times a week (I am pretty sure that is normal??) If not maybe someone should set up an intervention of some sort, just let me know.
Anyways, I blew it last night.
The rest of the week I did very well. I decided to taper down from the coffee per Eric's suggestion. He also thought it would be a good idea to quit coffee when I'm tracked out, which means tomorrow. Although I am going to go see Hunger Games tomorrow and I definitely don't want to be grumpy for that. So, maybe Tuesday :)
I did very well on the sweets though and really that is what I need to be focusing on. We were at Maggie Moo's today and I didn't get any ice cream. You heard me right. I didn't get any ice cream. Oh man did I want to get some. But I didn't.
Most importantly, I had the best run today with my CC that I think I've ever had. I did not want to get up this morning at all. I knew I couldn't cancel on CC, she would pull some Jillian Michaels move on me and come drag me out of bed or something. :)
We went running in downtown Raleigh. The weather was beautiful and so was the scenery. It is so hard to explain the feeling that I get when I run the long runs. It is such a peaceful feeling and it clears my mind. Today my knees didn't hurt, I felt confident, and it went by fast.
Of course Jillian Michaels, I mean Coach Cori, saved the hills for the last two miles this time. She's ruthless. She pushed me to sprint at the end. It was our fastest run together, 9.54 miles with an average 10:30 per mile.
I had to confess to her about blowing my detox for a night and I'm pretty sure she added on a few extra hills for it. Note to self: Confess after the run.
Today was also the best I felt after a long run. I could walk today. I tried to tell CC that my run was so awesome because of the 2 beers I had but for some reason she didn't think so. Maybe it was the steak.
So Detox Take 2 will start tomorrow :) Hopefully next week I will be blogging about how I finally made it a week!!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Warning: Detox
Today I enjoyed a beautiful morning run in downtown Raleigh with my CC. It is such a pretty place and I am glad that I got to start my day off that way.
Coach Cori tricked me this morning. We were supposed to go on an 8-8 1/2 mile run and she took me on a 9.17 mile run. Maybe I need to start wearing the Garmin. Also, the first 4 miles were uphill. It felt good though and I felt really proud when she told me we ran 9.17 She really needs to go into business with this coaching thing.
Eric and I like watching documentaries about food and today we watched a new one and it ignited a spark in me that I REALLY needed. The past two weeks I've quickly gone down hill with my eating choices. I've got to stop it. I am beginning to become disgusted with myself and the amount of food I've started eating again. There is really too much to write about. I don't even know if you can call it impulse eating..it has been more than that.
So I've decided to Detox my body.
Our race is 6 weeks away. I want to see what happens to me when I don't:
1. drink coffee
2. eat sweets
3. drink alcohol
*Warning: I might be grouchy for the first few days or weeks while it all leaves my system.
*I am waiting on giving up the coffee until Tuesday since tomorrow night I have to do a report card marathon
This will be a little easier since in a week I go on a 3 week break and it will easier for me to eat healthy.
Anybody else want to detox with me for 6 weeks??
Coach Cori tricked me this morning. We were supposed to go on an 8-8 1/2 mile run and she took me on a 9.17 mile run. Maybe I need to start wearing the Garmin. Also, the first 4 miles were uphill. It felt good though and I felt really proud when she told me we ran 9.17 She really needs to go into business with this coaching thing.
Eric and I like watching documentaries about food and today we watched a new one and it ignited a spark in me that I REALLY needed. The past two weeks I've quickly gone down hill with my eating choices. I've got to stop it. I am beginning to become disgusted with myself and the amount of food I've started eating again. There is really too much to write about. I don't even know if you can call it impulse eating..it has been more than that.
So I've decided to Detox my body.
Our race is 6 weeks away. I want to see what happens to me when I don't:
1. drink coffee
2. eat sweets
3. drink alcohol
*Warning: I might be grouchy for the first few days or weeks while it all leaves my system.
*I am waiting on giving up the coffee until Tuesday since tomorrow night I have to do a report card marathon
This will be a little easier since in a week I go on a 3 week break and it will easier for me to eat healthy.
Anybody else want to detox with me for 6 weeks??
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Buying Ice Cream on "The Streets"
Ice cream eaten this week: I LOST COUNT
Today we ran 8.25 miles in about 1:29. I never thought that I would be running for almost and hour and a half. There are a lot of things that I've done for that amount of time and running isn't one of them.
I never knew my body could or would even want to run that far. It is hard to explain that "runner's high" that I feel while I'm running and afterwards. After today's run I wanted to cry. Not because I was hurt but because I felt so good.
So the first 4 miles that CC took me on today were VERY HILLY. She said she didn't plan that but I don't believe her. :)
We got yelled at by 2 older ladies, not because we looked good in our running outfits but apparently we were running on the golf cart path, that looks like a great runner's path. There were all of 2 people playing golf on the whole course. The first lady we were nice to, the second one it was just annoying.
At about mile 7 I was hurting. I had to start telling myself over and over again that I could do it. Of course CC gave me encouragement and began telling me a story so I forgot about how much I wanted to stop.
It was an amazing run. I wanted to stop at mile 8 and we weren't at our finishing spot yet so Coach Cori went Jillian Michaels on me and pushed me to go the rest of it to our cars. I'm glad she did.
I feel like my weight loss has come to a stand still. I quit writing down what I'm eating, which means I am probably eating more than I think. I just wish I had a chef that lived at my house. Actually if Ryan Gosling was a chef that would be perfect.
I need to start monitoring my food a little better. I didn't do very well this past weekend. Pizza, Sunset Slush, too many Fat Tires, warm bread with honey at night, and actually I am really hungry right this minute and I am trying to fight driving to the store and getting a half gallon of Breyers ice cream.
So the fight against food continues. I feel really good though about my running.
I need to admit that I haven't been doing so well on the ice cream. I had Sunset Slush on Friday and a McFlurry on Saturday. I think that was my second McFlurry of the week too. I just really love it. I wish that McDonald's would put my picture up and tell employees not to serve me ice cream. I guess then I would have to start buying my ice cream on the streets. Then who knows what it could be laced with, unless I find a good dealer.
Ohhh..maybe my secret calling is an undercover ice cream cop. Then I could get paid to eat ice cream.
This blog post was supposed to be about how much I love running, kicked butt today running 8.25, love my CC, feel good about myself, and now...I've made it about ice cream. I NEED HELP!!
Today we ran 8.25 miles in about 1:29. I never thought that I would be running for almost and hour and a half. There are a lot of things that I've done for that amount of time and running isn't one of them.
I never knew my body could or would even want to run that far. It is hard to explain that "runner's high" that I feel while I'm running and afterwards. After today's run I wanted to cry. Not because I was hurt but because I felt so good.
So the first 4 miles that CC took me on today were VERY HILLY. She said she didn't plan that but I don't believe her. :)
We got yelled at by 2 older ladies, not because we looked good in our running outfits but apparently we were running on the golf cart path, that looks like a great runner's path. There were all of 2 people playing golf on the whole course. The first lady we were nice to, the second one it was just annoying.
At about mile 7 I was hurting. I had to start telling myself over and over again that I could do it. Of course CC gave me encouragement and began telling me a story so I forgot about how much I wanted to stop.
It was an amazing run. I wanted to stop at mile 8 and we weren't at our finishing spot yet so Coach Cori went Jillian Michaels on me and pushed me to go the rest of it to our cars. I'm glad she did.
I feel like my weight loss has come to a stand still. I quit writing down what I'm eating, which means I am probably eating more than I think. I just wish I had a chef that lived at my house. Actually if Ryan Gosling was a chef that would be perfect.
I need to start monitoring my food a little better. I didn't do very well this past weekend. Pizza, Sunset Slush, too many Fat Tires, warm bread with honey at night, and actually I am really hungry right this minute and I am trying to fight driving to the store and getting a half gallon of Breyers ice cream.
So the fight against food continues. I feel really good though about my running.
I need to admit that I haven't been doing so well on the ice cream. I had Sunset Slush on Friday and a McFlurry on Saturday. I think that was my second McFlurry of the week too. I just really love it. I wish that McDonald's would put my picture up and tell employees not to serve me ice cream. I guess then I would have to start buying my ice cream on the streets. Then who knows what it could be laced with, unless I find a good dealer.
Ohhh..maybe my secret calling is an undercover ice cream cop. Then I could get paid to eat ice cream.
This blog post was supposed to be about how much I love running, kicked butt today running 8.25, love my CC, feel good about myself, and now...I've made it about ice cream. I NEED HELP!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
I want...
I want to stay up late.
I want to drink beer #2.
I want to watch a chick flick.
I want to sleep in.
I want to do a lot of things tonight and tomorrow morning but I am supposed to get up at 6 and run 4 miles.
I really don't want to get up in the morning. I know I will be glad I did.
I want to drink beer #2.
I want to watch a chick flick.
I want to sleep in.
I want to do a lot of things tonight and tomorrow morning but I am supposed to get up at 6 and run 4 miles.
I really don't want to get up in the morning. I know I will be glad I did.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
A Race Poem and Passing a Skinny Person
As I drank the most delicious Fat Tire I had ever had in my life I replayed my 8k race back and forth in my mind.
People around me were talking but I wasn't really listening (sorry if that was you). I couldn't believe it was over. It went by so fast.
I was a lot more focused then I thought I would be. As we started off it was crowded and it was frustrating to me. I had to weave in and out of people, you know since I'm so fast :) CC gave me some good advice about running with someone and tips on moving around other people and crowds and great tips for hills that I can use during my half-marathon.
It is really hard to write about this run because it was so different than any other run I've had before. It was so peaceful. I was more in tune to sounds around me and they were nice and distracting. Coach would give me advice every little bit about running and strategies to help me. It was probably our quietest run together. When we talked it was about running tips and they were quick tips, probably so I could remember them. It is nice running with someone beside you that you know is supporting you and encouraging you.
I liked not knowing the course. It felt relaxing. At times it felt like it was just me and the road.
I passed a couple people with the "runner's belts" that were full of water and other supplies and that felt good. I passed a lot of out of shape skinny people and a couple people that I thought might need an oxygen tank by the end of the race.
I believe that the only way to explain it is through poetry.
Up A Hill
Up a hill we go
weaving in and out
not too fast, not too slow
keep it steady
strategies from coach
mind is focused
peaceful
pass a lady with a belt
pass a skinny person
pass a fat guy
Wait I passed a skinny person?
Skinny person walking
Skinny person's face is red
we just started the race
Poor out of shape skinny person
Up a hill, down a hill
pass a cemetery
Heavy breathing
its not me
heavy breathing
still not me
its a fat guy
pass a fat guy
praying there's an ambulance nearby
up a hill, down a hill
lots of people
Pass a lady with a belt
lots of water
lots of items
is she running a different race?
pass a lady with a belt
Up a hill, down a hill
tell me when i should sprint
very stubborn, doesn't listen
start to sprint
way too early
feeling sick
might throw up
feeling sick
might throw up
then i feel a hand grab mine
now its time to sprint she says
Across the finish line we go.
People around me were talking but I wasn't really listening (sorry if that was you). I couldn't believe it was over. It went by so fast.
I was a lot more focused then I thought I would be. As we started off it was crowded and it was frustrating to me. I had to weave in and out of people, you know since I'm so fast :) CC gave me some good advice about running with someone and tips on moving around other people and crowds and great tips for hills that I can use during my half-marathon.
It is really hard to write about this run because it was so different than any other run I've had before. It was so peaceful. I was more in tune to sounds around me and they were nice and distracting. Coach would give me advice every little bit about running and strategies to help me. It was probably our quietest run together. When we talked it was about running tips and they were quick tips, probably so I could remember them. It is nice running with someone beside you that you know is supporting you and encouraging you.
I liked not knowing the course. It felt relaxing. At times it felt like it was just me and the road.
I passed a couple people with the "runner's belts" that were full of water and other supplies and that felt good. I passed a lot of out of shape skinny people and a couple people that I thought might need an oxygen tank by the end of the race.
I believe that the only way to explain it is through poetry.
Up A Hill
Up a hill we go
weaving in and out
not too fast, not too slow
keep it steady
strategies from coach
mind is focused
peaceful
pass a lady with a belt
pass a skinny person
pass a fat guy
Wait I passed a skinny person?
Skinny person walking
Skinny person's face is red
we just started the race
Poor out of shape skinny person
Up a hill, down a hill
pass a cemetery
Heavy breathing
its not me
heavy breathing
still not me
its a fat guy
pass a fat guy
praying there's an ambulance nearby
up a hill, down a hill
lots of people
Pass a lady with a belt
lots of water
lots of items
is she running a different race?
pass a lady with a belt
Up a hill, down a hill
tell me when i should sprint
very stubborn, doesn't listen
start to sprint
way too early
feeling sick
might throw up
feeling sick
might throw up
then i feel a hand grab mine
now its time to sprint she says
Across the finish line we go.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
"Mommy, you need help getting that thing on?"
Today I had to take back my sports bra because it didn't fit me well. I took it back to Fleet Feet in Raleigh, which we love.
So I'm in the dressing room and Kate is with me and the lady helping me find something large and strong enough to hold my girls up, hands me something that looks like it is a bullet proof jacket. Yes, it was that big and that sturdy. Of course I start laughing when she throws it over the door.
Kate looks at me and stands up on the bench and says " Mommy, you are going to need help getting that thing on, I can help you."
Then she hands me something that has at least 50 clasps in the front, it is a sports bra but it looks like one of those things ladies wore around their stomachs in the olden days.
So Kate looks at me and says, "I don't think I can help with that." I couldn't get it on.
I finally found something that I think will work. The experience in itself was funny. The lady was very helpful.
I really don't know where to start with my week. Lets just say you win some, you lose some.
Yes, it has been that kind of week.
I'm not sure if I should go through the long list of bad choices I've made or should I focus on the good things I did this week?
I ate a half-gallon of Heath Bar Breyers ice cream in 2 days
homemade bread with butter and honey on it almost every night
at least 30 small Reese cups in 2 days (Willner stop giving me them at specials, tell me no)
i was going to leave out the plain McDonald's biscuit I ate but i guess i should tell all
So this week has been an eat everything in sight week. I don't know why.
Luckily I am still running. I felt pretty weak this morning running, probably from all the sugar I've eaten.
This sucks. It is really hard to say no. I really love food. I just don't like impulse eating. I love ice cream. I love bread. I love Reese cups. It is just really hard for me to eat these items in moderation.
But I really love my own personal Reece cup and of course Kate too. If I keep overeating I will never get down to a healthy weight, which means if I'm not at a healthy weight I'm not doing everything I can to live a longer and healthier life for my children.
This just seems so hard sometimes.
So I'm in the dressing room and Kate is with me and the lady helping me find something large and strong enough to hold my girls up, hands me something that looks like it is a bullet proof jacket. Yes, it was that big and that sturdy. Of course I start laughing when she throws it over the door.
Kate looks at me and stands up on the bench and says " Mommy, you are going to need help getting that thing on, I can help you."
Then she hands me something that has at least 50 clasps in the front, it is a sports bra but it looks like one of those things ladies wore around their stomachs in the olden days.
So Kate looks at me and says, "I don't think I can help with that." I couldn't get it on.
I finally found something that I think will work. The experience in itself was funny. The lady was very helpful.
I really don't know where to start with my week. Lets just say you win some, you lose some.
Yes, it has been that kind of week.
I'm not sure if I should go through the long list of bad choices I've made or should I focus on the good things I did this week?
I ate a half-gallon of Heath Bar Breyers ice cream in 2 days
homemade bread with butter and honey on it almost every night
at least 30 small Reese cups in 2 days (Willner stop giving me them at specials, tell me no)
i was going to leave out the plain McDonald's biscuit I ate but i guess i should tell all
So this week has been an eat everything in sight week. I don't know why.
Luckily I am still running. I felt pretty weak this morning running, probably from all the sugar I've eaten.
This sucks. It is really hard to say no. I really love food. I just don't like impulse eating. I love ice cream. I love bread. I love Reese cups. It is just really hard for me to eat these items in moderation.
But I really love my own personal Reece cup and of course Kate too. If I keep overeating I will never get down to a healthy weight, which means if I'm not at a healthy weight I'm not doing everything I can to live a longer and healthier life for my children.
This just seems so hard sometimes.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Not Enough Time, Lent, and I Was Attacked by a McFlurry
I'm tired of making salads. I need to really add some healthy variety or else I will go crazy. I wish I had a magical fairy that would just prepare me a healthy lunch and dinner each night. As a working mother it is difficult after returning home from soccer practice or any other activity around 6:30 to put together a great healthy meal.
I know there are lots of crock pot recipes, but we don't eat a whole lot of meat and it takes time to read the recipes get the ingredients and put it all together. I really don't have a lot of time.
A night without sports:
5:30 get home from work
6:00 eat
6:30 clean up
7:00-kids read
7:30 kids get ready for bed
8:00 kids go to bed.
8:00-9:30 or later: do work, check Facebook, maybe watch a show if it is Wed. night
I don't know how people with a lot of kids do it. Of course all that is with Eric's help if it isn't a night he is working. Tonight I didn't get home from work until 7. Of course I met with my CC after school and we ran 4 miles and she gave me some great technique strategies. Then I needed to get some work done in my classroom. So then I didn't get home until after dinner.
I do want to say that I am VERY thankful that I have a husband that cooks, cleans, ok...so I guess I don't do a lot. Even though he does a lot of the housework it is still hard to manage everything!!!
Unfortunately I have to report that I stopped by McDonald's and bought an Oreo McFlurry and man it tasted sooo good. I did this after I spent 30 minutes talking to my Coach Cori's ear off about how mentally strong I've felt lately with eating. I went to Chili's the other night and we only ate one basket of chips. Anyone that knows me knows that if I was stranded on an island I would want Chili's chips and salsa. So this is good for me. I also only ate the soup and salad.
So why did I stop? Because I love ice cream.
I'm not Catholic but I've always participated in Lent for some reason. Well not always, just for the past few years. I like the idea of giving something up and trying to focus on God instead.
Yesterday was supposed to be my first day giving up alcohol. Well, that idea went south of the border. I had a glass of wine last night. So then I thought maybe I should start doing something different each day to help other people instead of giving something up.
And guess what? I forgot to help someone today. Apparently I'm not good at Lent.
So, this has been a mixture of me complaining.
Positives to throw off all my complaining:
1. Kate went to the doctor on Monday and the rest of her blood work came back. Her doctor doesn't think she has Rheumatic Fever. She is as of tomorrow off all the meds and we are just kind of waiting to see if anything else pops up.
2. Reece had his first soccer practice last night and he is still really good
3. Eric is helping coach Reece's baseball team
4. Negative: Reece is playing soccer and baseball, and like the Fall he will have to sometimes choose between his soccer game and baseball game: He always picks baseball.
5. Kate loves reading.
6. Eric is making more bread. (I guess in my case this could be a positive and negative)
I know there are lots of crock pot recipes, but we don't eat a whole lot of meat and it takes time to read the recipes get the ingredients and put it all together. I really don't have a lot of time.
A night without sports:
5:30 get home from work
6:00 eat
6:30 clean up
7:00-kids read
7:30 kids get ready for bed
8:00 kids go to bed.
8:00-9:30 or later: do work, check Facebook, maybe watch a show if it is Wed. night
I don't know how people with a lot of kids do it. Of course all that is with Eric's help if it isn't a night he is working. Tonight I didn't get home from work until 7. Of course I met with my CC after school and we ran 4 miles and she gave me some great technique strategies. Then I needed to get some work done in my classroom. So then I didn't get home until after dinner.
I do want to say that I am VERY thankful that I have a husband that cooks, cleans, ok...so I guess I don't do a lot. Even though he does a lot of the housework it is still hard to manage everything!!!
Unfortunately I have to report that I stopped by McDonald's and bought an Oreo McFlurry and man it tasted sooo good. I did this after I spent 30 minutes talking to my Coach Cori's ear off about how mentally strong I've felt lately with eating. I went to Chili's the other night and we only ate one basket of chips. Anyone that knows me knows that if I was stranded on an island I would want Chili's chips and salsa. So this is good for me. I also only ate the soup and salad.
So why did I stop? Because I love ice cream.
I'm not Catholic but I've always participated in Lent for some reason. Well not always, just for the past few years. I like the idea of giving something up and trying to focus on God instead.
Yesterday was supposed to be my first day giving up alcohol. Well, that idea went south of the border. I had a glass of wine last night. So then I thought maybe I should start doing something different each day to help other people instead of giving something up.
And guess what? I forgot to help someone today. Apparently I'm not good at Lent.
So, this has been a mixture of me complaining.
Positives to throw off all my complaining:
1. Kate went to the doctor on Monday and the rest of her blood work came back. Her doctor doesn't think she has Rheumatic Fever. She is as of tomorrow off all the meds and we are just kind of waiting to see if anything else pops up.
2. Reece had his first soccer practice last night and he is still really good
3. Eric is helping coach Reece's baseball team
4. Negative: Reece is playing soccer and baseball, and like the Fall he will have to sometimes choose between his soccer game and baseball game: He always picks baseball.
5. Kate loves reading.
6. Eric is making more bread. (I guess in my case this could be a positive and negative)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Bud Light and Running Don't Mix Very Well
My advice is to not drink and then run.
Why?
1. You will think you are faster then you really are and run your first 2 miles really fast
2. You will want to throw up
3. The last 2 miles you will have to go to the bathroom, really bad
4. If you throw up you won't know if it is from drinking or running
5. You will feel sick
6. You will feel sick
I only drank 2 Bud Lights but I was wishing that it was O Bud Lights. The last three miles weren't bad besides the fact that I had to go to the bathroom. The first two were a little rough, I really thought I was going to be sick.
Once the sickness wore off my run turned in to a very peaceful evening. The weather was perfect and it reminded me of evening soccer games for some reason. The air was a little crisp and there was a clean smell.
I really didn't want to run today. I spent most of the day feeling kind of depressed and I turned to food. I didn't go overboard or anything but I was definitely doing some emotional eating. I decided to do some cleaning to take my mind of some things. It worked. I kept on finding things to do so I wouldn't go running.
It is weird because I felt like I hadn't run in forever, although I ran on Tuesday. I'm not use to 3 days off! Yesterday I felt like I really missed running but today I was trying to put it off for another day.
I'm so glad I went. I ran 6.8 miles. Running tonight gave me such a calming feeling. I listened to my Coach Cori and really tried to take in the beauty around me and somehow my mind went blank from all my worries. I was taken back by God's beautiful Creation.
Running is very therapeutic for me.
Why?
1. You will think you are faster then you really are and run your first 2 miles really fast
2. You will want to throw up
3. The last 2 miles you will have to go to the bathroom, really bad
4. If you throw up you won't know if it is from drinking or running
5. You will feel sick
6. You will feel sick
I only drank 2 Bud Lights but I was wishing that it was O Bud Lights. The last three miles weren't bad besides the fact that I had to go to the bathroom. The first two were a little rough, I really thought I was going to be sick.
Once the sickness wore off my run turned in to a very peaceful evening. The weather was perfect and it reminded me of evening soccer games for some reason. The air was a little crisp and there was a clean smell.
I really didn't want to run today. I spent most of the day feeling kind of depressed and I turned to food. I didn't go overboard or anything but I was definitely doing some emotional eating. I decided to do some cleaning to take my mind of some things. It worked. I kept on finding things to do so I wouldn't go running.
It is weird because I felt like I hadn't run in forever, although I ran on Tuesday. I'm not use to 3 days off! Yesterday I felt like I really missed running but today I was trying to put it off for another day.
I'm so glad I went. I ran 6.8 miles. Running tonight gave me such a calming feeling. I listened to my Coach Cori and really tried to take in the beauty around me and somehow my mind went blank from all my worries. I was taken back by God's beautiful Creation.
Running is very therapeutic for me.
Friday, February 17, 2012
A Lot on My Mind
This week has felt like a long week. Unfortunately today I turned to food when I needed comfort. I have a lot on my mind.
Wednesday morning Kate woke up with a swollen foot and a weird rash all over her. I took her to the doctor that morning. Her normal doctor wasn't there so we saw someone different in the practice. She tested positive for strep throat. The doctor told me that it was something else too. That she has Acute Rheumatic Fever. I wasn't even sure what that was. She said that she would have to be on penicillin until she was 21 to help prevent her from getting strep. Strep could cause her to have heart problems and other issues possibly.
Kate had a lot of tests done that day. EKG, Echo, and blood tests. The infectious disease doctor was taking pictures of her rash and said that the rash was Erythema Marginatum.
So she was sent home with Aspirin and penicillin.
Thursday morning she woke up with swollen eyes and then her lip started to swell up. We took her to the doctor and her normal Pediatrician was there. He said he had a different theory about what was going on. Well he actually never really stated or confirmed his theory. He just really wanted to see some other things. He didn't think there was enough evidence for Rheumatic Fever. He said the swelling in her joints might not be the actual joints that are swollen.
He gave her a penicillin shot and put her on prednisone and wants to see her back Monday morning to discuss this more. So she is currently on: Prednisone, Penicillin, Zyrtec, and Aspirin.
So we have one doctor that says she needs to be on medicine until she is 21 and we have one doctor who wants us to kind of just wait and see.
I just want to know!!!
So today I drank a chocolate milkshake and man it tasted good. I haven't been running since Tuesday and I miss it, so I guess that is a good thing. Tomorrow I will run.
Please just pray for the doctors clarity and that this is really just nothing at all and everything will be okay. I am worried about our baby girl.
Wednesday morning Kate woke up with a swollen foot and a weird rash all over her. I took her to the doctor that morning. Her normal doctor wasn't there so we saw someone different in the practice. She tested positive for strep throat. The doctor told me that it was something else too. That she has Acute Rheumatic Fever. I wasn't even sure what that was. She said that she would have to be on penicillin until she was 21 to help prevent her from getting strep. Strep could cause her to have heart problems and other issues possibly.
Kate had a lot of tests done that day. EKG, Echo, and blood tests. The infectious disease doctor was taking pictures of her rash and said that the rash was Erythema Marginatum.
So she was sent home with Aspirin and penicillin.
Thursday morning she woke up with swollen eyes and then her lip started to swell up. We took her to the doctor and her normal Pediatrician was there. He said he had a different theory about what was going on. Well he actually never really stated or confirmed his theory. He just really wanted to see some other things. He didn't think there was enough evidence for Rheumatic Fever. He said the swelling in her joints might not be the actual joints that are swollen.
He gave her a penicillin shot and put her on prednisone and wants to see her back Monday morning to discuss this more. So she is currently on: Prednisone, Penicillin, Zyrtec, and Aspirin.
So we have one doctor that says she needs to be on medicine until she is 21 and we have one doctor who wants us to kind of just wait and see.
I just want to know!!!
So today I drank a chocolate milkshake and man it tasted good. I haven't been running since Tuesday and I miss it, so I guess that is a good thing. Tomorrow I will run.
Please just pray for the doctors clarity and that this is really just nothing at all and everything will be okay. I am worried about our baby girl.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I Love Running!
I thought that I would be writing about me throwing up on my run today. I ate pizza 2 hours before my run and let me tell you that halfway through running my "long run" I thought I was going to puke. You know what I thought to myself, well this would make a good blog post :).
I made it without throwing up the pizza and the run was amazing.
It was a different run. I didn't want to run today, I got home from a birthday party and my stomach hurt a little and I was feeling tired (probably from the M&Ms I ate at the party, I was coming down from a sugar high).
I made myself get my shoes on and go out the door. I knew how good I would feel afterwards.
The first 3 or so miles it felt like I was running but not really. I felt like I was there but not there. It was weird. My legs felt good, I wasn't bored, I was breathing great, my mind was clear. So clear that at one point I felt like I was running and the whole world around me had stopped.
I was supposed to do 5 miles today but for some reason when I came to the road that I was supposed to turn right on and it would take me home for the last mile, I laughed out loud and kept going straight to where I knew it would add on another mile.
So on a day when all I wanted to do was lay on the couch I put my shoes on, stepped out the door, and somehow my shoes took me where I needed to go. I felt like Dorothy. Really, I felt like Dorothy.
It amazes me how different every run is. I'm feeling good. I've been working out 6 weeks now, I've lost 10 pounds, and I am really excited!!
I made it without throwing up the pizza and the run was amazing.
It was a different run. I didn't want to run today, I got home from a birthday party and my stomach hurt a little and I was feeling tired (probably from the M&Ms I ate at the party, I was coming down from a sugar high).
I made myself get my shoes on and go out the door. I knew how good I would feel afterwards.
The first 3 or so miles it felt like I was running but not really. I felt like I was there but not there. It was weird. My legs felt good, I wasn't bored, I was breathing great, my mind was clear. So clear that at one point I felt like I was running and the whole world around me had stopped.
I was supposed to do 5 miles today but for some reason when I came to the road that I was supposed to turn right on and it would take me home for the last mile, I laughed out loud and kept going straight to where I knew it would add on another mile.
So on a day when all I wanted to do was lay on the couch I put my shoes on, stepped out the door, and somehow my shoes took me where I needed to go. I felt like Dorothy. Really, I felt like Dorothy.
It amazes me how different every run is. I'm feeling good. I've been working out 6 weeks now, I've lost 10 pounds, and I am really excited!!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Trouble on The Bus
I am supposed to be swimming right now. I woke up at 7 to go swimming and I haven't made it out the door yet. :) I will soon.
I feel very thankful this morning to have a son that truly loves his sister so much.
Yesterday Reece and Kate arrived to school on the bus and both came up to my classroom before going to their classroom. I knew something was up.
Reece: " I think I did something I shouldn't have"
Me thinking to myself well this isn't completely out of the ordinary.
Kate: Says nothing just is staring at me like she is in big trouble (she is a rule follower and is very fearful of getting in trouble, especially at school)
Reece goes on to tell me that he got in trouble with the bus driver. He says that Kate and her friend were yelling and the bus driver asked "Who's that yelling?" Reece tells the bus driver it was him.
Me: "Why did you lie to the bus driver?"
Reece: "Because I didn't want Kate to get in trouble mommy. She's never been in trouble before. The bus driver told me I would be in big trouble.
Side note: The first day the kids were on the bus they sat together. Kate wanted to sit by the window (after they already sat down) she wanted to switch seats with Reece. Reece stood up to switch seats and got in trouble with the bus driver and had to sit in the front for a week. So this is his second encounter with the bus driver.
I ask Kate why she didn't confess up that she was yelling and not Reece.
Kate: (bites her nails) Is trying to not break down in a flood of tears.
So what did I do? Well, I walked them both down to the assistant principal who was still at the bus drop off and make them tell him what they did. I thought Kate was going to pass out. Yes, I turned my own kids in.
What a sweet brother to take up for his sister like this. Apparently we need to work on lying to adults with him but that's not the point :) I don't know that a lot of brothers would protect their sisters like that. Reece is such a loving big brother and always does what he can to show love to his sister. We are so lucky that they have such a close relationship.
I feel very thankful this morning to have a son that truly loves his sister so much.
Yesterday Reece and Kate arrived to school on the bus and both came up to my classroom before going to their classroom. I knew something was up.
Reece: " I think I did something I shouldn't have"
Me thinking to myself well this isn't completely out of the ordinary.
Kate: Says nothing just is staring at me like she is in big trouble (she is a rule follower and is very fearful of getting in trouble, especially at school)
Reece goes on to tell me that he got in trouble with the bus driver. He says that Kate and her friend were yelling and the bus driver asked "Who's that yelling?" Reece tells the bus driver it was him.
Me: "Why did you lie to the bus driver?"
Reece: "Because I didn't want Kate to get in trouble mommy. She's never been in trouble before. The bus driver told me I would be in big trouble.
Side note: The first day the kids were on the bus they sat together. Kate wanted to sit by the window (after they already sat down) she wanted to switch seats with Reece. Reece stood up to switch seats and got in trouble with the bus driver and had to sit in the front for a week. So this is his second encounter with the bus driver.
I ask Kate why she didn't confess up that she was yelling and not Reece.
Kate: (bites her nails) Is trying to not break down in a flood of tears.
So what did I do? Well, I walked them both down to the assistant principal who was still at the bus drop off and make them tell him what they did. I thought Kate was going to pass out. Yes, I turned my own kids in.
What a sweet brother to take up for his sister like this. Apparently we need to work on lying to adults with him but that's not the point :) I don't know that a lot of brothers would protect their sisters like that. Reece is such a loving big brother and always does what he can to show love to his sister. We are so lucky that they have such a close relationship.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
My Timeline of Being Fat
Today after school was a wonderful run. I met with my CC (coach Cori) and ran 4 miles in 42 minutes. She of course taught me a strategy to get up hills. So of course the first hill she said no talking. Then when we got to the top she asked me what I thought about going up the hill.
I told her and most of my thoughts were random thoughts about running: my knee is hurting, I like running in the mornings better, when is this hill going to be over, come on you can do it, and a few other random thoughts. She told me on the next hill I need to focus on things around me.
So on the next hill I noticed: 3 cars go by, some pretty flowers, the green sign that was close to my finish of the hill, pretty flower pots, the really nice lawns that must cost the HOA to be out of the roof, two pieces of trash that I should have picked up, and how quiet and still it was. Believe it or not it really helped.
Oh and at the end of the second hill she edged ahead of me which through my "look at my environment thinking" out the window. I started thinking, "Wait a minute did I slow down? Why is she getting ahead of me?" Which she told me afterwards was on purpose so that I need to not focus on other runners around me (I am pretty competitive and my goal is to enjoy and finish the 13.1 not sprint the first mile because other people are blowing by me).
She also really made me think about what am I going to do after I reach my goal of running a 13.1?
In the past I've gotten in shape and then once I reach my goal of whatever it is I am working towards I kind of lose interest and then I put the pounds back on. It has been a vicious weight cycle for a good part of my life.
I really want this time to be different. I want to be able to run the half-marathon, lose some weight, and change my eating habits for the rest of my life. I don't want to reach my goal and then go back to eating everything in sight.
I'm pretty sure I started emotionally eating a year or two after my mom passed away. It took that long for me to actually really believe that she wasn't coming back. So instead of turning to God for comfort I turned to food and I've been turning to it ever since. Yep, almost 15 years later from losing my mom I am trying to find something to comfort me instead of food and I am looking to the only one that can fill that hole, my Father in heaven.
Timeline:
1997 healthy
1998 healthy
1999 healthy
2000 start to get fat
2001 still fat
2002 still fat
2003 even fatter
2004 the fattest ever and I almost died delivering Reece because of my fatness-Reece born
2005 there isn't a word to describe the fatness
2006 continuing to be fat - Kate born
2007 healthy
2008 healthy
2009 healthy
2010 fat
2011 fat
2012 will be healthy
* In the past 15 years of my life I've weighed 120 lbs and 250 lbs.
OK so I guess 7 years of being fat isn't really a vicious cycle. For it to be a cycle I probably should have gone up and down in my weight a little more and from the looks of the timeline it was mostly just me being fat. At least this time I only stayed fat for 2 years.
This brings me to something, if you see me gaining weight again could you please, please slap me or ask me what is going on why am I eating enough food to feed a small village???
I told her and most of my thoughts were random thoughts about running: my knee is hurting, I like running in the mornings better, when is this hill going to be over, come on you can do it, and a few other random thoughts. She told me on the next hill I need to focus on things around me.
So on the next hill I noticed: 3 cars go by, some pretty flowers, the green sign that was close to my finish of the hill, pretty flower pots, the really nice lawns that must cost the HOA to be out of the roof, two pieces of trash that I should have picked up, and how quiet and still it was. Believe it or not it really helped.
Oh and at the end of the second hill she edged ahead of me which through my "look at my environment thinking" out the window. I started thinking, "Wait a minute did I slow down? Why is she getting ahead of me?" Which she told me afterwards was on purpose so that I need to not focus on other runners around me (I am pretty competitive and my goal is to enjoy and finish the 13.1 not sprint the first mile because other people are blowing by me).
She also really made me think about what am I going to do after I reach my goal of running a 13.1?
In the past I've gotten in shape and then once I reach my goal of whatever it is I am working towards I kind of lose interest and then I put the pounds back on. It has been a vicious weight cycle for a good part of my life.
I really want this time to be different. I want to be able to run the half-marathon, lose some weight, and change my eating habits for the rest of my life. I don't want to reach my goal and then go back to eating everything in sight.
I'm pretty sure I started emotionally eating a year or two after my mom passed away. It took that long for me to actually really believe that she wasn't coming back. So instead of turning to God for comfort I turned to food and I've been turning to it ever since. Yep, almost 15 years later from losing my mom I am trying to find something to comfort me instead of food and I am looking to the only one that can fill that hole, my Father in heaven.
Timeline:
1997 healthy
1998 healthy
1999 healthy
2000 start to get fat
2001 still fat
2002 still fat
2003 even fatter
2004 the fattest ever and I almost died delivering Reece because of my fatness-Reece born
2005 there isn't a word to describe the fatness
2006 continuing to be fat - Kate born
2007 healthy
2008 healthy
2009 healthy
2010 fat
2011 fat
2012 will be healthy
* In the past 15 years of my life I've weighed 120 lbs and 250 lbs.
OK so I guess 7 years of being fat isn't really a vicious cycle. For it to be a cycle I probably should have gone up and down in my weight a little more and from the looks of the timeline it was mostly just me being fat. At least this time I only stayed fat for 2 years.
This brings me to something, if you see me gaining weight again could you please, please slap me or ask me what is going on why am I eating enough food to feed a small village???
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