Wasn't this blog supposed to be about running instead of eating?
Apparently it is about running to the frig.
What is the addiction to food?? Why do I love it so much?
If you are reading this and you are tired of hearing me complain about my eating problems and how I get pissed off if I eat a gallon of ice cream, then turn your electronic device off and don't read my *(^^% blog. This is really like a diary for me and I feel so much better after I write.
This isn't about running right now. This is about a person that loves food too much and has issues with portion control. Yes, that is me. It sucks. Really I don't care if anybody really understands where I am coming from. I fight with food constantly.
Yes, my past 50 blogs have been about how depressed I am about all the eating. You are probably thinking get over yourself already and eat healthy and please go visit your local therapist. Well, I am thinking that too.
It really isn't that easy. Anybody that has any type of food addiction or any addiction at all can relate.
I'm not depressed, well as I type that maybe this is denial, maybe I am depressed I am just in denial. No. I am a confident person who is happy but has a secret about being addicted to food. This is my insecurity. This is where I feel like someone shit on my face. This is where I have no control. I feel good in lots of other areas. I am good at a lot of things, just not eating.
I like control. I like organization. What teacher doesn't??? Maybe that is the problem. This is one area of my life that I have trouble controlling and I don't know why. I can't figure it out.
Was I born this way? Destined to fight with food. Genetics????? I don't know. What does Science say? What does God say?
Would He say I am lost and need to come home? Would "Science" say I need a diet pill to even out my (insert smart word)?
Does it have to do with the fact that I love writing? Maybe it is easier to write when you feel bad about yourself or your body. Maybe that is when I feel one with the world, when I can express my inner emotions. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Why is our society all about, "Oh everything is fine. How are you doing? Great. Really? Is everyone in this world great or fine? I once read on a blog about how Fine was the christian "F" word and this really stuck to me. You ask someone how they are doing and does anyone ever say: "Today really sucked, my kids didn't listen to me, my this and this and this. No. It is always JUST FINE or GOOD. If they do go on a rampage of complaining then they are labeled "Debbie Downer." I guess if you make it a habit that is different, you are debbie downer and you need to seek help.
I am not Debbie Downer, and I know that. If you know me then you know that I am the complete opposite of Debbie. I am like Sarah. Smiling Sarah.
But I would love to ask someone how they are and for them to actually tell me the truth. Someone to say that they had a shitty day. My real true friends tell me when they've had a bad day and that is when I know that they are really a friend.
What would I write about if I felt happy about my body? "Oh, today was a good day I feel great. No emotion. No wanting that other personality, confidence in your body. No deep desire to get rid of the food cravings." Shit how boring. Happy lives are boring.
If you are happy, you are boring. Just kidding. You aren't. I am happy in a lot of ways, but there are things that I struggle with.
Disclaimer #1:
Ginnie Deaton is insecure about her body and has eating problems. Please note that she is a lovely person, enjoys life, would like to run for office one day, and has over a million things a day to be happy for.
Disclaimer #2:
Ginnie Deaton uses this Blog to rid her negative/evil thoughts.
Disclaimer #3
Ginnie Deaton loves to write fictional stories about her own life. (maybe realistic fiction) (ok it is real)
Disclaimer #4
nothing else.
Hug your friends, your family, feed your dog, and most importantly: If someone ask you how you are: Tell them the "F" word "Fine".
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