Missing You

There are many moments in life that you wish you could take back or redo. I'm sure everyone has experienced this. If not, you aren't normal. I have many of those moments. Actions or choices that I made but didn't think. Words that were spoken but shouldn't have been. Kindness that should have been but wasn't.

It is hard to admit that we have these flaws. We were made to show kindness and love to others. Sometimes I wonder how it is so hard to show love or kindness to everyone?

I see this hope of love towards others in my children and I'm thankful.

I saw this kindness and love in my mom. She was like an angel on earth. Her love and patience towards others was like nothing I've ever seen before. The way that she was able to carry on a conversation with a stranger in the store and you knew that stranger left with joy in their heart after speaking with her. The way that when she was ill (which was a lot of the time) when people would come and want to pray for her she would turn it around and pray for them.

I think of my mom in some way each day and today I am thankful. I am thankful that I knew love from my mom for almost 18 years. A love that not everyone gets to experience from a parent. I feel lucky, that I had her and her love for the amount of time I did.

Do I wonder what it would be like knowing her as an adult? Yes.
Do I wonder if she would be proud? Yes.
Do I wish she knew my husband and kids? Yes.
Are there days that I am angry with God and wonder why her? Of course.

But most of the time there are days that I am thankful. Thankful that she taught me love for everyone, kindness, patience, and once again kindness.

I have had a wonderful week, but today I am missing my mom but feeling thankful. It isn't her birthday, or the day of her death, or any of those other days that will forever be tattooed in my brain.

It is just a day. A Friday. A day that I was baking cookies and I started remembering and missing and feeling thankful. It is just a day.

Missing You

As my fingers touch the keys the words come out of my mouth,

missing you

 

your love

your smile

your faith

 

As my fingers touch the keys the sadness flows from my heart,

missing you

 

your strength

your hope

your never ending thankfulness

 

so small

so fragile

weak

 

As my fingers touch the keys the memories overwhelm my thoughts,

missing you

 

you're here

then gone

 

missing you.