2 Hot Friends From High School

If you use your imagination eating a piece of celery can seem like eating a Snickers Bar. You must close your eyes though.

Today while my kids (my class) were at Specials I warmed up a bowl of broccoli that I pretended was a brownie and I ate celery that in my mind was a Snickers Bar. Yes, you can trick your mind. How long will this last I don't know?? But today it worked.

I made it through the day with eating 1200 calories or less (thanks Chrissy for the tip)!! In the world of a food addict everything you do is centered around food, if you let it. The way you drive to and from work, the grocery store you go to, the planned meetings with friends around food, the trip to the teacher's lounge (where you know goodies will be), and well...the more things I write, the more it seems I have a problem.

Which I do, I'm not scared to admit it. I love food. I dream about it. There's no  Matthew McConaughey fantasies here, its all Butter Pecan. Although I will say Josh Hartnett comes in 2nd place to Breyers Butter Pecan.

Today when I was collecting papers I pretended that they were different types of ice cream.

I did remember last night that I was fat though. I think when you lose weight you picture yourself as this "other person" and then when you look in the mirror and see that you aren't the imaginary you it sucks. I am glad my confidence is still there, I think I am a super model until I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure or overly confident, I feel good about how I look. I just know what healthy is. I've been there. So I know how healthy I can be and feel. I want that again. I know that right now I am beautiful but not really healthy. I want healthy.

Tonight I ran in to 2 friends from high school while I was out to dinner. Jennifer, thanks for asking about my running and you are Beautiful!!  Clark, wow you look really HOT.  

It was funny running in to them because it made me think. They both looked great and here I've put on a good 40 pounds since the younger years. So in talking to them I felt it was necessary to spurt out the amount of weight I wanted to lose. Oh yes I threw it out there.

Thinking back I now think that is funny. Why did I need to tell them that I was working towards 30 more pounds? Did I feel insecure? I don't think so. I'm not really an insecure person. Did I want them to know I knew I was fat compared to high school? Not really, I'm sure they could see for themselves.

Maybe its just because a lot of times I say things without thinking. I just say what I want and what I feel.

Anyways, I feel like I've come to a fork in the road the past couple of weeks. I guess utensils are a good way to describe my situation. Do I continue down the path of healthy living? Or do I turn back towards the comfort of food.

The Path Worth Taking:

Choices
We all have them
one leads one way, one the other
it should be simple but its not

what to choose
where to go
who will help

diving into the loneliness of the empty plate
2nds please
no 3rds I'm still hungry

Are you going to eat that?
feeling empty
my heart is breaking

for another helping?
of loneliness or food
feeling fat
have another

plate that
is
feeling full.

we all are searching for that fork
in the road
which way to turn
left or
right

full or
empty