Everywhere I turn I see food.
I can't stop. It is so good.
Everywhere I turn I see food.
I can't stop. It is so good.
sabotaging myself
Food calls to me like it needs my help
lost in its consumption
With every bite there is a guilty feeling.
Fatness is everywhere.
As I stuffed two cupcakes in my mouth today I remembered that I don't even really like cupcakes.
I turn to food
Doesn't matter the mood it is always food.
Damn Food.
I am so sick and tired of wanting to eat all day long.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was
Damn Food.
hidden behind the mouthful is the sadness and regret of something else
one more bite and it all goes away
Damn Food.
trying to fill the void that is there
one more spoonful and it all goes away
I look in the mirror and see that I'm not who I thought I was.
It whispers my name in the dark shadows
Damn Food
Friday, June 29, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Fifty Shades of Ice Cream
I've always known that I've had a little crazy in me but last night pushed me over the edge I think.
It all started with Chic-Fil-A.
I went to Chic-Fil-A during lunch time and I knew from the beginning that it was a bad idea. Of course I ordered an Oreo Milkshake, no whip, no cherry (like that takes off a lot of calories). Its like ordering light mayonnaise instead of real mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is just bad for you, light or not.
That in itself would have been ok. But yesterday I was like a drug a addict on a Sunday morning...wanting more (no offense to drug addicts).
For a few days I've been fantasizing about going to a yogurt place and loading my cup up with yogurt and a lot of crushed Heath Bar pieces. I've never been to a Yogurt specialty store but I've heard about them. I've heard that there is no set price. Its all about how much your cup weighs. Maybe one day I will have the courage to weigh my cup.
When I was younger I LOVED TCBY. I am imagining that it is 3 times better.
Anyways, I've been thinking about overeating ice cream for days. Waiting for the right time when I was by myself and nobody would interrupt my plan.
The time never came.
Until last night.
I knew that after the painting last night I could go to this place that I had dreamed about for the past few days and nobody would know. It was premeditated.
So as I put my seat belt on I knew that the Yogurt place I heard about was at least 20 min. away. It was late. I wanted it, but not that bad.
So I did what anybody would do...I typed Dairy Queen in my GPS. 15 miles away. Yikes.
Was it worth it? I decided no. I knew that Goodberrys would give me what I needed. That satisfaction of sweetness.
When I pulled in my parking spot, I pulled up next to 2 high schoolers in their car. The windows were down and one was in the driver's seat and another one was in the back seat. I parked too close. I could barely get out of my door. I just knew that they would use the situation later in the evening as a good joke. There was no way I was parking again, what if Goodberry's was about to close? I wasn't going to miss out. They were very nice though. Very encouraging. "Oh you got it ma'am, don't worry you got it." They were talking about my fat butt fitting through the small space between my door and their car. I had to suck it in.
This wasn't even the bad part.
I walked up to order and of course I ordered vanilla, with Heath, with a little bit of chocolate syrup. I don't know why but I pretended that it was a to-go order. I pretended that I was ordering for Eric. I even pretended that I couldn't remember what Eric wanted. "Hmmm...what did he say he wanted? Oh yes Heath with just a little bit of chocolate syrup. "
"Do you want it in a bag miss?"
Of course I want it in a bag, its not for me. (I didn't say that, I did say yes though)
The minute I got in my car I ripped the bag open and that first bite was hard to explain. It was a very happy feeling. I was in the Red room.
I had received my drug. My brain triggered to a high mode and I felt good.
If only it lasted. Don't get me wrong, it lasted for at least 7 minutes. But afterwards, I went in to why mode?
I found Christian, although his name is Heath.
What does Fifty Shades and Ice Cream have to do with each other you might ask?
Not much but the fact that Christian and Anastasia have a similar relationship to me and Ice Cream. I am an ice cream stalker.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
My Physical Therapist needs to up the Massage Time
I really miss running. I just don't feel the same when I do something different. Not that I've tried, but I know.
I think everyone has an addiction. Some drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, work, TV, facebook, exercise, and of course food. Some of us might have two addictions. It would really work best for me if mine was exercise. There are times in my life when it has been. How do I get back to being an exercise addict?
I've been to the PT twice and I can't wait until I can run again. I pay $60 bucks to have him use a scraper on my heal, show me some stretches, and apply heat to my ankle. Oh and yes I get a small calf massage. I'm thinking about asking him to up the leg massage part. I mean really, $60. There is a lot I could do with that money. I am pretty sure I could get a full body massage for that price. Also, the scraper looks like a cooking utensil I could buy in the $1 section of Target.
Don't get me wrong he is great, but add on a few extra massage minutes please. Or at least give out free alcohol while your scraping the ?!7@ out of my Achilles. I'm also under the assumption that I am the only female who goes to physical therapy. Maybe it is a men's only club and they needed someone to laugh at. Today i was the only person above the age of 21 in there and the only person that weighed more than 120, besides the PT.
While I was laying on the table with heat on my foot I started imagining what all the youngsters were thinking. First of all, they probably thought I hurt myself walking to the frig or getting up from the couch. Second of all they probably thought that it was strange that the intern was standing over me with a timer when I was doing my stretches. Yes, there was an intern, and he for some reason thought I needed a timer for 30 seconds when stretching. Am I that old now that I can't count to 30?
Was there not something else he could do besides Hit the timer. And, he messed up. He kept starting the timer too late. When I was given a new stretch that was 15 seconds 3 times he asked if I wanted him to keep time. Ummmm...no I am pretty sure I can count to 15. I politely said no.
Thank goodness because this was an awkward hip stretch that I was laying on my side and having to put my legs in a triangle and pretty much open my legs. Is there not an, "I've had two kids room, can I do this in private because I am 30 pounds over weight room?" Guess not. I can't wait to go back on Monday and get my mini massage.
Anyways, I am getting up tomorrow at 4:30 to go swimming. If you see me tomorrow please tell me I am fat and maybe just maybe I will become an exercise addict again.
I think everyone has an addiction. Some drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, work, TV, facebook, exercise, and of course food. Some of us might have two addictions. It would really work best for me if mine was exercise. There are times in my life when it has been. How do I get back to being an exercise addict?
I've been to the PT twice and I can't wait until I can run again. I pay $60 bucks to have him use a scraper on my heal, show me some stretches, and apply heat to my ankle. Oh and yes I get a small calf massage. I'm thinking about asking him to up the leg massage part. I mean really, $60. There is a lot I could do with that money. I am pretty sure I could get a full body massage for that price. Also, the scraper looks like a cooking utensil I could buy in the $1 section of Target.
Don't get me wrong he is great, but add on a few extra massage minutes please. Or at least give out free alcohol while your scraping the ?!7@ out of my Achilles. I'm also under the assumption that I am the only female who goes to physical therapy. Maybe it is a men's only club and they needed someone to laugh at. Today i was the only person above the age of 21 in there and the only person that weighed more than 120, besides the PT.
While I was laying on the table with heat on my foot I started imagining what all the youngsters were thinking. First of all, they probably thought I hurt myself walking to the frig or getting up from the couch. Second of all they probably thought that it was strange that the intern was standing over me with a timer when I was doing my stretches. Yes, there was an intern, and he for some reason thought I needed a timer for 30 seconds when stretching. Am I that old now that I can't count to 30?
Was there not something else he could do besides Hit the timer. And, he messed up. He kept starting the timer too late. When I was given a new stretch that was 15 seconds 3 times he asked if I wanted him to keep time. Ummmm...no I am pretty sure I can count to 15. I politely said no.
Thank goodness because this was an awkward hip stretch that I was laying on my side and having to put my legs in a triangle and pretty much open my legs. Is there not an, "I've had two kids room, can I do this in private because I am 30 pounds over weight room?" Guess not. I can't wait to go back on Monday and get my mini massage.
Anyways, I am getting up tomorrow at 4:30 to go swimming. If you see me tomorrow please tell me I am fat and maybe just maybe I will become an exercise addict again.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thank You Eric
Eric and I got married young and it seems like we were even younger when we had kids. We quickly went from one step to the next. A year after being married I got pregnant.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventurous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, disciplines them, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventurous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, disciplines them, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
Eric and I got married young and it seems like we were even younger when we had kids. We quickly went from one step to the next. A year after being married I got pregnant.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventerous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, discipline thems, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
I remember coming home from the hospital with Reece and us thinking, "They really let us come home with a baby?" Thankfully our survival skills kicked in and we made it through the baby years.
When you think about what a father should be many thoughts and expectations come to mind. I was raised by my mom so I've never really had anything to go by. Just what I "thought" I knew. Early on what I "thought" a father should be is different then what I think now. I remember my mom use to always tell me, "Make sure you marry a man that loves God and is a hard worker."
Eric goes above and beyond my expectations of a father. Our kids watch him like a hawk, his every move. Whatever he does Reece wants to do.
Eric is thankfully everything that I'm not. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together as parents.
I am cautious and worry all the time. He is adventerous and calm.
He is patient, firm, reliable, silly, a hard worker, involved, and compassionate.
His never ending love for his children shows in the example that he sets for them.
He cooks, cleans, does homework with the kids, plays with them, discipline thems, and most importantly prays with them each night.
I often ask myself, what do I do :) ??
I am very thankful to have a husband that is also a father. A good father. Thankful that our kids will grow up knowing what it is like to be loved by their Dad and have him in their lives. Thankful that he sets high expectations for what a father should be.
I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you Eric. You are an amazing father.
Thank you for showing your kids how to love and how to have fun.
Thank you for showing them how to love and respect your wife.
Thank you for giving them confidence and letting them know they can trust you.
Thank you for showing them how to love God.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Missing You
There are many moments in life that you wish you could take back or redo. I'm sure everyone has experienced this. If not, you aren't normal. I have many of those moments. Actions or choices that I made but didn't think. Words that were spoken but shouldn't have been. Kindness that should have been but wasn't.
It is hard to admit that we have these flaws. We were made to show kindness and love to others. Sometimes I wonder how it is so hard to show love or kindness to everyone?
I see this hope of love towards others in my children and I'm thankful.
I saw this kindness and love in my mom. She was like an angel on earth. Her love and patience towards others was like nothing I've ever seen before. The way that she was able to carry on a conversation with a stranger in the store and you knew that stranger left with joy in their heart after speaking with her. The way that when she was ill (which was a lot of the time) when people would come and want to pray for her she would turn it around and pray for them.
I think of my mom in some way each day and today I am thankful. I am thankful that I knew love from my mom for almost 18 years. A love that not everyone gets to experience from a parent. I feel lucky, that I had her and her love for the amount of time I did.
Do I wonder what it would be like knowing her as an adult? Yes.
Do I wonder if she would be proud? Yes.
Do I wish she knew my husband and kids? Yes.
Are there days that I am angry with God and wonder why her? Of course.
But most of the time there are days that I am thankful. Thankful that she taught me love for everyone, kindness, patience, and once again kindness.
I have had a wonderful week, but today I am missing my mom but feeling thankful. It isn't her birthday, or the day of her death, or any of those other days that will forever be tattooed in my brain.
It is just a day. A Friday. A day that I was baking cookies and I started remembering and missing and feeling thankful. It is just a day.
Missing You
It is hard to admit that we have these flaws. We were made to show kindness and love to others. Sometimes I wonder how it is so hard to show love or kindness to everyone?
I see this hope of love towards others in my children and I'm thankful.
I saw this kindness and love in my mom. She was like an angel on earth. Her love and patience towards others was like nothing I've ever seen before. The way that she was able to carry on a conversation with a stranger in the store and you knew that stranger left with joy in their heart after speaking with her. The way that when she was ill (which was a lot of the time) when people would come and want to pray for her she would turn it around and pray for them.
I think of my mom in some way each day and today I am thankful. I am thankful that I knew love from my mom for almost 18 years. A love that not everyone gets to experience from a parent. I feel lucky, that I had her and her love for the amount of time I did.
Do I wonder what it would be like knowing her as an adult? Yes.
Do I wonder if she would be proud? Yes.
Do I wish she knew my husband and kids? Yes.
Are there days that I am angry with God and wonder why her? Of course.
But most of the time there are days that I am thankful. Thankful that she taught me love for everyone, kindness, patience, and once again kindness.
I have had a wonderful week, but today I am missing my mom but feeling thankful. It isn't her birthday, or the day of her death, or any of those other days that will forever be tattooed in my brain.
It is just a day. A Friday. A day that I was baking cookies and I started remembering and missing and feeling thankful. It is just a day.
Missing You
As my fingers touch the keys the words come out of my mouth,
missing you
your love
your smile
your faith
As my fingers touch the keys the sadness flows from my heart,
missing you
your strength
your hope
your never ending thankfulness
so small
so fragile
weak
As my fingers touch the keys the memories overwhelm my thoughts,
missing you
you're here
then gone
missing you.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
No Running for a Few Weeks
Today I went to an Orthopaedic doctor about my Achilles issues. He told me I was smart, which I already knew, to come in while I could still walk.
I am going to do some physical therapy for the next few weeks to hopefully help. The sad news is he told me not to run for awhile :(
I ran 3 miles this morning and man do I miss it. I felt so much better today after running. I am allowed to swim, cycle, or use an elliptical. How exciting. I am just bursting with joy.
I already miss running but at least I am catching this thing early and can hopefully get back to it soon.
Today was a good eating day. I ate 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks.
Right now I am hungry and am hallucinating. The computer is even starting to look like food.
I think I will go to bed so I don't start eating our furniture.
I am going to do some physical therapy for the next few weeks to hopefully help. The sad news is he told me not to run for awhile :(
I ran 3 miles this morning and man do I miss it. I felt so much better today after running. I am allowed to swim, cycle, or use an elliptical. How exciting. I am just bursting with joy.
I already miss running but at least I am catching this thing early and can hopefully get back to it soon.
Today was a good eating day. I ate 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks.
Right now I am hungry and am hallucinating. The computer is even starting to look like food.
I think I will go to bed so I don't start eating our furniture.
Monday, June 11, 2012
2 Hot Friends From High School
If you use your imagination eating a piece of celery can seem like eating a Snickers Bar. You must close your eyes though.
Today while my kids (my class) were at Specials I warmed up a bowl of broccoli that I pretended was a brownie and I ate celery that in my mind was a Snickers Bar. Yes, you can trick your mind. How long will this last I don't know?? But today it worked.
I made it through the day with eating 1200 calories or less (thanks Chrissy for the tip)!! In the world of a food addict everything you do is centered around food, if you let it. The way you drive to and from work, the grocery store you go to, the planned meetings with friends around food, the trip to the teacher's lounge (where you know goodies will be), and well...the more things I write, the more it seems I have a problem.
Which I do, I'm not scared to admit it. I love food. I dream about it. There's no Matthew McConaughey fantasies here, its all Butter Pecan. Although I will say Josh Hartnett comes in 2nd place to Breyers Butter Pecan.
Today when I was collecting papers I pretended that they were different types of ice cream.
I did remember last night that I was fat though. I think when you lose weight you picture yourself as this "other person" and then when you look in the mirror and see that you aren't the imaginary you it sucks. I am glad my confidence is still there, I think I am a super model until I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure or overly confident, I feel good about how I look. I just know what healthy is. I've been there. So I know how healthy I can be and feel. I want that again. I know that right now I am beautiful but not really healthy. I want healthy.
Tonight I ran in to 2 friends from high school while I was out to dinner. Jennifer, thanks for asking about my running and you are Beautiful!! Clark, wow you look really HOT.
It was funny running in to them because it made me think. They both looked great and here I've put on a good 40 pounds since the younger years. So in talking to them I felt it was necessary to spurt out the amount of weight I wanted to lose. Oh yes I threw it out there.
Thinking back I now think that is funny. Why did I need to tell them that I was working towards 30 more pounds? Did I feel insecure? I don't think so. I'm not really an insecure person. Did I want them to know I knew I was fat compared to high school? Not really, I'm sure they could see for themselves.
Maybe its just because a lot of times I say things without thinking. I just say what I want and what I feel.
Anyways, I feel like I've come to a fork in the road the past couple of weeks. I guess utensils are a good way to describe my situation. Do I continue down the path of healthy living? Or do I turn back towards the comfort of food.
The Path Worth Taking:
Choices
We all have them
one leads one way, one the other
it should be simple but its not
what to choose
where to go
who will help
diving into the loneliness of the empty plate
2nds please
no 3rds I'm still hungry
Are you going to eat that?
feeling empty
my heart is breaking
for another helping?
of loneliness or food
feeling fat
have another
plate that
is
feeling full.
we all are searching for that fork
in the road
which way to turn
left or
right
full or
empty
Today while my kids (my class) were at Specials I warmed up a bowl of broccoli that I pretended was a brownie and I ate celery that in my mind was a Snickers Bar. Yes, you can trick your mind. How long will this last I don't know?? But today it worked.
I made it through the day with eating 1200 calories or less (thanks Chrissy for the tip)!! In the world of a food addict everything you do is centered around food, if you let it. The way you drive to and from work, the grocery store you go to, the planned meetings with friends around food, the trip to the teacher's lounge (where you know goodies will be), and well...the more things I write, the more it seems I have a problem.
Which I do, I'm not scared to admit it. I love food. I dream about it. There's no Matthew McConaughey fantasies here, its all Butter Pecan. Although I will say Josh Hartnett comes in 2nd place to Breyers Butter Pecan.
Today when I was collecting papers I pretended that they were different types of ice cream.
I did remember last night that I was fat though. I think when you lose weight you picture yourself as this "other person" and then when you look in the mirror and see that you aren't the imaginary you it sucks. I am glad my confidence is still there, I think I am a super model until I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insecure or overly confident, I feel good about how I look. I just know what healthy is. I've been there. So I know how healthy I can be and feel. I want that again. I know that right now I am beautiful but not really healthy. I want healthy.
Tonight I ran in to 2 friends from high school while I was out to dinner. Jennifer, thanks for asking about my running and you are Beautiful!! Clark, wow you look really HOT.
It was funny running in to them because it made me think. They both looked great and here I've put on a good 40 pounds since the younger years. So in talking to them I felt it was necessary to spurt out the amount of weight I wanted to lose. Oh yes I threw it out there.
Thinking back I now think that is funny. Why did I need to tell them that I was working towards 30 more pounds? Did I feel insecure? I don't think so. I'm not really an insecure person. Did I want them to know I knew I was fat compared to high school? Not really, I'm sure they could see for themselves.
Maybe its just because a lot of times I say things without thinking. I just say what I want and what I feel.
Anyways, I feel like I've come to a fork in the road the past couple of weeks. I guess utensils are a good way to describe my situation. Do I continue down the path of healthy living? Or do I turn back towards the comfort of food.
The Path Worth Taking:
Choices
We all have them
one leads one way, one the other
it should be simple but its not
what to choose
where to go
who will help
diving into the loneliness of the empty plate
2nds please
no 3rds I'm still hungry
Are you going to eat that?
feeling empty
my heart is breaking
for another helping?
of loneliness or food
feeling fat
have another
plate that
is
feeling full.
we all are searching for that fork
in the road
which way to turn
left or
right
full or
empty
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Food Intervention Needed
As I finish my 3rd bowl of Captain Crunch I think about the "old days" just a month ago. How healthy and good I felt. I was eating healthy and running 4 times a week.
Well a week before my half marathon I hurt my Achilles tendon. I rested it and was able to run the half. Since then I've had issues and it is depressing.
I really love running. It is therapy for me. It really takes the place of my overeating. So what do I do now that every time I run I feel my Achilles pop for a few day afterwards. This stinks. Right when I was on a good track something like this happens. I know I need to rest it, but running is calling my name. I need it.
Maybe the problem is that I don't need it. The only thing I really need is God. I went from relying on food to relying on running, so I need to try and rely on God. I do need something to keep me healthy though. I need to see a doctor about it, the running that is.
I also need to find something to do while my Achilles heals. Maybe swimming? I don't know.
In the past month I think I've eaten everything and I mean everything in sight. Shoveling food in to my mouth. It is disgusting. I feel gross. Why is this so hard? Why can't I be one of those people that doesn't obsess over food. Is it genetic? Why is it so hard to not eat everything around me?
Well...I have to go check and see if there is any butter pecan left. :)
Intervention Needed.
Well a week before my half marathon I hurt my Achilles tendon. I rested it and was able to run the half. Since then I've had issues and it is depressing.
I really love running. It is therapy for me. It really takes the place of my overeating. So what do I do now that every time I run I feel my Achilles pop for a few day afterwards. This stinks. Right when I was on a good track something like this happens. I know I need to rest it, but running is calling my name. I need it.
Maybe the problem is that I don't need it. The only thing I really need is God. I went from relying on food to relying on running, so I need to try and rely on God. I do need something to keep me healthy though. I need to see a doctor about it, the running that is.
I also need to find something to do while my Achilles heals. Maybe swimming? I don't know.
In the past month I think I've eaten everything and I mean everything in sight. Shoveling food in to my mouth. It is disgusting. I feel gross. Why is this so hard? Why can't I be one of those people that doesn't obsess over food. Is it genetic? Why is it so hard to not eat everything around me?
Well...I have to go check and see if there is any butter pecan left. :)
Intervention Needed.
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