I just don't understand why I can't say no to ice cream.
Let's just say I was caught in a Blizzard today.
I don't want to confess that I ate a Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen because I know that there will be people that will be disappointed in me and I'm sorry. I looked it up afterwards to see how many calories I consumed, 920. Yuck.
I feel like a whale.
I am really fighting an addiction with food.
It was so good though. Every bight felt like...well it is hard to explain.
Why can't I just eat healthy? It should be that simple. I am really pissed off right now.
It just isn't fair. I feel sorry for myself. I rely on overeating to comfort me. Why do I turn to food?
Caught In A Blizzard
you have to eat enough food
but not too much
watch out for the sugar
but don't eat the splenda
don't do this
don't do that
feeling fat
eat more sugar
feeling fatter
caught in a Blizzard
dairy queen, chic-fil-a, mcdonalds,
sunset slush, goodberrys, and don't forget
Breyers
too many places
all around me
stuck
feeling fat
don't forget to hide the evidence
don't want anyone to know
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
candy surrounding me
tasting good
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
feeling down
one bite leads to another
forgetting where it started
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
been relying on myself
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
reaching for my Makers hand
caught in a Blizzard can't get out
My Father above reaches down
He takes my hand and lifts me out
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Two Beers, The Best Long Run, and Detox Take 2
Two beers. That is all it took to BLOW my Detox for the week. I mean is it that hard to do something for a week??
We had date night last night and we went to Outback. I ordered a 6 oz. steak and I only ate half of it and I ordered steamed broccoli. I was very proud of this because usually I would order a potato with lots of butter and salt and eat about 4 of their loaves of bread. I had one bite of the bread.
Why couldn't I pass up the Fat Tire that was staring at me from the bar? Yes, we walked in and sat at the bar. Not a good place for someone trying not to drink until their race. And yes that is how the Deatons roll on date night. We sit at a bar, eat steak, drink a beer or two, and watch basketball games. We had the best time!!
Why was the beer calling my name? Well it could be that my husbands Blue Moon sitting inches away from me just looked too delicious. The foam was just slightly towering over the side and with each bubble it seemed to be spelling out my name.
I actually made a good choice if you think about it, so I'm telling myself. If I ordered a glass of wine I would be more likely to drink a glass of wine later on in the week.
Not that I don't like beer as much as wine but I rarely sit down after a long day and crave a beer. There are times, but not like I do wine. (don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything). On a regular basis I would normally drink a glass or two of wine maybe two times a week (I am pretty sure that is normal??) If not maybe someone should set up an intervention of some sort, just let me know.
Anyways, I blew it last night.
The rest of the week I did very well. I decided to taper down from the coffee per Eric's suggestion. He also thought it would be a good idea to quit coffee when I'm tracked out, which means tomorrow. Although I am going to go see Hunger Games tomorrow and I definitely don't want to be grumpy for that. So, maybe Tuesday :)
I did very well on the sweets though and really that is what I need to be focusing on. We were at Maggie Moo's today and I didn't get any ice cream. You heard me right. I didn't get any ice cream. Oh man did I want to get some. But I didn't.
Most importantly, I had the best run today with my CC that I think I've ever had. I did not want to get up this morning at all. I knew I couldn't cancel on CC, she would pull some Jillian Michaels move on me and come drag me out of bed or something. :)
We went running in downtown Raleigh. The weather was beautiful and so was the scenery. It is so hard to explain the feeling that I get when I run the long runs. It is such a peaceful feeling and it clears my mind. Today my knees didn't hurt, I felt confident, and it went by fast.
Of course Jillian Michaels, I mean Coach Cori, saved the hills for the last two miles this time. She's ruthless. She pushed me to sprint at the end. It was our fastest run together, 9.54 miles with an average 10:30 per mile.
I had to confess to her about blowing my detox for a night and I'm pretty sure she added on a few extra hills for it. Note to self: Confess after the run.
Today was also the best I felt after a long run. I could walk today. I tried to tell CC that my run was so awesome because of the 2 beers I had but for some reason she didn't think so. Maybe it was the steak.
So Detox Take 2 will start tomorrow :) Hopefully next week I will be blogging about how I finally made it a week!!!
We had date night last night and we went to Outback. I ordered a 6 oz. steak and I only ate half of it and I ordered steamed broccoli. I was very proud of this because usually I would order a potato with lots of butter and salt and eat about 4 of their loaves of bread. I had one bite of the bread.
Why couldn't I pass up the Fat Tire that was staring at me from the bar? Yes, we walked in and sat at the bar. Not a good place for someone trying not to drink until their race. And yes that is how the Deatons roll on date night. We sit at a bar, eat steak, drink a beer or two, and watch basketball games. We had the best time!!
Why was the beer calling my name? Well it could be that my husbands Blue Moon sitting inches away from me just looked too delicious. The foam was just slightly towering over the side and with each bubble it seemed to be spelling out my name.
I actually made a good choice if you think about it, so I'm telling myself. If I ordered a glass of wine I would be more likely to drink a glass of wine later on in the week.
Not that I don't like beer as much as wine but I rarely sit down after a long day and crave a beer. There are times, but not like I do wine. (don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything). On a regular basis I would normally drink a glass or two of wine maybe two times a week (I am pretty sure that is normal??) If not maybe someone should set up an intervention of some sort, just let me know.
Anyways, I blew it last night.
The rest of the week I did very well. I decided to taper down from the coffee per Eric's suggestion. He also thought it would be a good idea to quit coffee when I'm tracked out, which means tomorrow. Although I am going to go see Hunger Games tomorrow and I definitely don't want to be grumpy for that. So, maybe Tuesday :)
I did very well on the sweets though and really that is what I need to be focusing on. We were at Maggie Moo's today and I didn't get any ice cream. You heard me right. I didn't get any ice cream. Oh man did I want to get some. But I didn't.
Most importantly, I had the best run today with my CC that I think I've ever had. I did not want to get up this morning at all. I knew I couldn't cancel on CC, she would pull some Jillian Michaels move on me and come drag me out of bed or something. :)
We went running in downtown Raleigh. The weather was beautiful and so was the scenery. It is so hard to explain the feeling that I get when I run the long runs. It is such a peaceful feeling and it clears my mind. Today my knees didn't hurt, I felt confident, and it went by fast.
Of course Jillian Michaels, I mean Coach Cori, saved the hills for the last two miles this time. She's ruthless. She pushed me to sprint at the end. It was our fastest run together, 9.54 miles with an average 10:30 per mile.
I had to confess to her about blowing my detox for a night and I'm pretty sure she added on a few extra hills for it. Note to self: Confess after the run.
Today was also the best I felt after a long run. I could walk today. I tried to tell CC that my run was so awesome because of the 2 beers I had but for some reason she didn't think so. Maybe it was the steak.
So Detox Take 2 will start tomorrow :) Hopefully next week I will be blogging about how I finally made it a week!!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Warning: Detox
Today I enjoyed a beautiful morning run in downtown Raleigh with my CC. It is such a pretty place and I am glad that I got to start my day off that way.
Coach Cori tricked me this morning. We were supposed to go on an 8-8 1/2 mile run and she took me on a 9.17 mile run. Maybe I need to start wearing the Garmin. Also, the first 4 miles were uphill. It felt good though and I felt really proud when she told me we ran 9.17 She really needs to go into business with this coaching thing.
Eric and I like watching documentaries about food and today we watched a new one and it ignited a spark in me that I REALLY needed. The past two weeks I've quickly gone down hill with my eating choices. I've got to stop it. I am beginning to become disgusted with myself and the amount of food I've started eating again. There is really too much to write about. I don't even know if you can call it impulse eating..it has been more than that.
So I've decided to Detox my body.
Our race is 6 weeks away. I want to see what happens to me when I don't:
1. drink coffee
2. eat sweets
3. drink alcohol
*Warning: I might be grouchy for the first few days or weeks while it all leaves my system.
*I am waiting on giving up the coffee until Tuesday since tomorrow night I have to do a report card marathon
This will be a little easier since in a week I go on a 3 week break and it will easier for me to eat healthy.
Anybody else want to detox with me for 6 weeks??
Coach Cori tricked me this morning. We were supposed to go on an 8-8 1/2 mile run and she took me on a 9.17 mile run. Maybe I need to start wearing the Garmin. Also, the first 4 miles were uphill. It felt good though and I felt really proud when she told me we ran 9.17 She really needs to go into business with this coaching thing.
Eric and I like watching documentaries about food and today we watched a new one and it ignited a spark in me that I REALLY needed. The past two weeks I've quickly gone down hill with my eating choices. I've got to stop it. I am beginning to become disgusted with myself and the amount of food I've started eating again. There is really too much to write about. I don't even know if you can call it impulse eating..it has been more than that.
So I've decided to Detox my body.
Our race is 6 weeks away. I want to see what happens to me when I don't:
1. drink coffee
2. eat sweets
3. drink alcohol
*Warning: I might be grouchy for the first few days or weeks while it all leaves my system.
*I am waiting on giving up the coffee until Tuesday since tomorrow night I have to do a report card marathon
This will be a little easier since in a week I go on a 3 week break and it will easier for me to eat healthy.
Anybody else want to detox with me for 6 weeks??
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Buying Ice Cream on "The Streets"
Ice cream eaten this week: I LOST COUNT
Today we ran 8.25 miles in about 1:29. I never thought that I would be running for almost and hour and a half. There are a lot of things that I've done for that amount of time and running isn't one of them.
I never knew my body could or would even want to run that far. It is hard to explain that "runner's high" that I feel while I'm running and afterwards. After today's run I wanted to cry. Not because I was hurt but because I felt so good.
So the first 4 miles that CC took me on today were VERY HILLY. She said she didn't plan that but I don't believe her. :)
We got yelled at by 2 older ladies, not because we looked good in our running outfits but apparently we were running on the golf cart path, that looks like a great runner's path. There were all of 2 people playing golf on the whole course. The first lady we were nice to, the second one it was just annoying.
At about mile 7 I was hurting. I had to start telling myself over and over again that I could do it. Of course CC gave me encouragement and began telling me a story so I forgot about how much I wanted to stop.
It was an amazing run. I wanted to stop at mile 8 and we weren't at our finishing spot yet so Coach Cori went Jillian Michaels on me and pushed me to go the rest of it to our cars. I'm glad she did.
I feel like my weight loss has come to a stand still. I quit writing down what I'm eating, which means I am probably eating more than I think. I just wish I had a chef that lived at my house. Actually if Ryan Gosling was a chef that would be perfect.
I need to start monitoring my food a little better. I didn't do very well this past weekend. Pizza, Sunset Slush, too many Fat Tires, warm bread with honey at night, and actually I am really hungry right this minute and I am trying to fight driving to the store and getting a half gallon of Breyers ice cream.
So the fight against food continues. I feel really good though about my running.
I need to admit that I haven't been doing so well on the ice cream. I had Sunset Slush on Friday and a McFlurry on Saturday. I think that was my second McFlurry of the week too. I just really love it. I wish that McDonald's would put my picture up and tell employees not to serve me ice cream. I guess then I would have to start buying my ice cream on the streets. Then who knows what it could be laced with, unless I find a good dealer.
Ohhh..maybe my secret calling is an undercover ice cream cop. Then I could get paid to eat ice cream.
This blog post was supposed to be about how much I love running, kicked butt today running 8.25, love my CC, feel good about myself, and now...I've made it about ice cream. I NEED HELP!!
Today we ran 8.25 miles in about 1:29. I never thought that I would be running for almost and hour and a half. There are a lot of things that I've done for that amount of time and running isn't one of them.
I never knew my body could or would even want to run that far. It is hard to explain that "runner's high" that I feel while I'm running and afterwards. After today's run I wanted to cry. Not because I was hurt but because I felt so good.
So the first 4 miles that CC took me on today were VERY HILLY. She said she didn't plan that but I don't believe her. :)
We got yelled at by 2 older ladies, not because we looked good in our running outfits but apparently we were running on the golf cart path, that looks like a great runner's path. There were all of 2 people playing golf on the whole course. The first lady we were nice to, the second one it was just annoying.
At about mile 7 I was hurting. I had to start telling myself over and over again that I could do it. Of course CC gave me encouragement and began telling me a story so I forgot about how much I wanted to stop.
It was an amazing run. I wanted to stop at mile 8 and we weren't at our finishing spot yet so Coach Cori went Jillian Michaels on me and pushed me to go the rest of it to our cars. I'm glad she did.
I feel like my weight loss has come to a stand still. I quit writing down what I'm eating, which means I am probably eating more than I think. I just wish I had a chef that lived at my house. Actually if Ryan Gosling was a chef that would be perfect.
I need to start monitoring my food a little better. I didn't do very well this past weekend. Pizza, Sunset Slush, too many Fat Tires, warm bread with honey at night, and actually I am really hungry right this minute and I am trying to fight driving to the store and getting a half gallon of Breyers ice cream.
So the fight against food continues. I feel really good though about my running.
I need to admit that I haven't been doing so well on the ice cream. I had Sunset Slush on Friday and a McFlurry on Saturday. I think that was my second McFlurry of the week too. I just really love it. I wish that McDonald's would put my picture up and tell employees not to serve me ice cream. I guess then I would have to start buying my ice cream on the streets. Then who knows what it could be laced with, unless I find a good dealer.
Ohhh..maybe my secret calling is an undercover ice cream cop. Then I could get paid to eat ice cream.
This blog post was supposed to be about how much I love running, kicked butt today running 8.25, love my CC, feel good about myself, and now...I've made it about ice cream. I NEED HELP!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
I want...
I want to stay up late.
I want to drink beer #2.
I want to watch a chick flick.
I want to sleep in.
I want to do a lot of things tonight and tomorrow morning but I am supposed to get up at 6 and run 4 miles.
I really don't want to get up in the morning. I know I will be glad I did.
I want to drink beer #2.
I want to watch a chick flick.
I want to sleep in.
I want to do a lot of things tonight and tomorrow morning but I am supposed to get up at 6 and run 4 miles.
I really don't want to get up in the morning. I know I will be glad I did.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
A Race Poem and Passing a Skinny Person
As I drank the most delicious Fat Tire I had ever had in my life I replayed my 8k race back and forth in my mind.
People around me were talking but I wasn't really listening (sorry if that was you). I couldn't believe it was over. It went by so fast.
I was a lot more focused then I thought I would be. As we started off it was crowded and it was frustrating to me. I had to weave in and out of people, you know since I'm so fast :) CC gave me some good advice about running with someone and tips on moving around other people and crowds and great tips for hills that I can use during my half-marathon.
It is really hard to write about this run because it was so different than any other run I've had before. It was so peaceful. I was more in tune to sounds around me and they were nice and distracting. Coach would give me advice every little bit about running and strategies to help me. It was probably our quietest run together. When we talked it was about running tips and they were quick tips, probably so I could remember them. It is nice running with someone beside you that you know is supporting you and encouraging you.
I liked not knowing the course. It felt relaxing. At times it felt like it was just me and the road.
I passed a couple people with the "runner's belts" that were full of water and other supplies and that felt good. I passed a lot of out of shape skinny people and a couple people that I thought might need an oxygen tank by the end of the race.
I believe that the only way to explain it is through poetry.
Up A Hill
Up a hill we go
weaving in and out
not too fast, not too slow
keep it steady
strategies from coach
mind is focused
peaceful
pass a lady with a belt
pass a skinny person
pass a fat guy
Wait I passed a skinny person?
Skinny person walking
Skinny person's face is red
we just started the race
Poor out of shape skinny person
Up a hill, down a hill
pass a cemetery
Heavy breathing
its not me
heavy breathing
still not me
its a fat guy
pass a fat guy
praying there's an ambulance nearby
up a hill, down a hill
lots of people
Pass a lady with a belt
lots of water
lots of items
is she running a different race?
pass a lady with a belt
Up a hill, down a hill
tell me when i should sprint
very stubborn, doesn't listen
start to sprint
way too early
feeling sick
might throw up
feeling sick
might throw up
then i feel a hand grab mine
now its time to sprint she says
Across the finish line we go.
People around me were talking but I wasn't really listening (sorry if that was you). I couldn't believe it was over. It went by so fast.
I was a lot more focused then I thought I would be. As we started off it was crowded and it was frustrating to me. I had to weave in and out of people, you know since I'm so fast :) CC gave me some good advice about running with someone and tips on moving around other people and crowds and great tips for hills that I can use during my half-marathon.
It is really hard to write about this run because it was so different than any other run I've had before. It was so peaceful. I was more in tune to sounds around me and they were nice and distracting. Coach would give me advice every little bit about running and strategies to help me. It was probably our quietest run together. When we talked it was about running tips and they were quick tips, probably so I could remember them. It is nice running with someone beside you that you know is supporting you and encouraging you.
I liked not knowing the course. It felt relaxing. At times it felt like it was just me and the road.
I passed a couple people with the "runner's belts" that were full of water and other supplies and that felt good. I passed a lot of out of shape skinny people and a couple people that I thought might need an oxygen tank by the end of the race.
I believe that the only way to explain it is through poetry.
Up A Hill
Up a hill we go
weaving in and out
not too fast, not too slow
keep it steady
strategies from coach
mind is focused
peaceful
pass a lady with a belt
pass a skinny person
pass a fat guy
Wait I passed a skinny person?
Skinny person walking
Skinny person's face is red
we just started the race
Poor out of shape skinny person
Up a hill, down a hill
pass a cemetery
Heavy breathing
its not me
heavy breathing
still not me
its a fat guy
pass a fat guy
praying there's an ambulance nearby
up a hill, down a hill
lots of people
Pass a lady with a belt
lots of water
lots of items
is she running a different race?
pass a lady with a belt
Up a hill, down a hill
tell me when i should sprint
very stubborn, doesn't listen
start to sprint
way too early
feeling sick
might throw up
feeling sick
might throw up
then i feel a hand grab mine
now its time to sprint she says
Across the finish line we go.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
"Mommy, you need help getting that thing on?"
Today I had to take back my sports bra because it didn't fit me well. I took it back to Fleet Feet in Raleigh, which we love.
So I'm in the dressing room and Kate is with me and the lady helping me find something large and strong enough to hold my girls up, hands me something that looks like it is a bullet proof jacket. Yes, it was that big and that sturdy. Of course I start laughing when she throws it over the door.
Kate looks at me and stands up on the bench and says " Mommy, you are going to need help getting that thing on, I can help you."
Then she hands me something that has at least 50 clasps in the front, it is a sports bra but it looks like one of those things ladies wore around their stomachs in the olden days.
So Kate looks at me and says, "I don't think I can help with that." I couldn't get it on.
I finally found something that I think will work. The experience in itself was funny. The lady was very helpful.
I really don't know where to start with my week. Lets just say you win some, you lose some.
Yes, it has been that kind of week.
I'm not sure if I should go through the long list of bad choices I've made or should I focus on the good things I did this week?
I ate a half-gallon of Heath Bar Breyers ice cream in 2 days
homemade bread with butter and honey on it almost every night
at least 30 small Reese cups in 2 days (Willner stop giving me them at specials, tell me no)
i was going to leave out the plain McDonald's biscuit I ate but i guess i should tell all
So this week has been an eat everything in sight week. I don't know why.
Luckily I am still running. I felt pretty weak this morning running, probably from all the sugar I've eaten.
This sucks. It is really hard to say no. I really love food. I just don't like impulse eating. I love ice cream. I love bread. I love Reese cups. It is just really hard for me to eat these items in moderation.
But I really love my own personal Reece cup and of course Kate too. If I keep overeating I will never get down to a healthy weight, which means if I'm not at a healthy weight I'm not doing everything I can to live a longer and healthier life for my children.
This just seems so hard sometimes.
So I'm in the dressing room and Kate is with me and the lady helping me find something large and strong enough to hold my girls up, hands me something that looks like it is a bullet proof jacket. Yes, it was that big and that sturdy. Of course I start laughing when she throws it over the door.
Kate looks at me and stands up on the bench and says " Mommy, you are going to need help getting that thing on, I can help you."
Then she hands me something that has at least 50 clasps in the front, it is a sports bra but it looks like one of those things ladies wore around their stomachs in the olden days.
So Kate looks at me and says, "I don't think I can help with that." I couldn't get it on.
I finally found something that I think will work. The experience in itself was funny. The lady was very helpful.
I really don't know where to start with my week. Lets just say you win some, you lose some.
Yes, it has been that kind of week.
I'm not sure if I should go through the long list of bad choices I've made or should I focus on the good things I did this week?
I ate a half-gallon of Heath Bar Breyers ice cream in 2 days
homemade bread with butter and honey on it almost every night
at least 30 small Reese cups in 2 days (Willner stop giving me them at specials, tell me no)
i was going to leave out the plain McDonald's biscuit I ate but i guess i should tell all
So this week has been an eat everything in sight week. I don't know why.
Luckily I am still running. I felt pretty weak this morning running, probably from all the sugar I've eaten.
This sucks. It is really hard to say no. I really love food. I just don't like impulse eating. I love ice cream. I love bread. I love Reese cups. It is just really hard for me to eat these items in moderation.
But I really love my own personal Reece cup and of course Kate too. If I keep overeating I will never get down to a healthy weight, which means if I'm not at a healthy weight I'm not doing everything I can to live a longer and healthier life for my children.
This just seems so hard sometimes.
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