Traveling Around Europe

I can't believe it has been a month since I've posted on here. I would like to say it is because I've been traveling around Europe but we all know that isn't true. More like traveling around Dairy Queen and Goodberrys.

I have been busy though. It takes a lot of time and energy to not take care of yourself and not exercise. Planning trips to get ice cream without others knowing. It can be exhausting.

Actually, even though my mind hasn't been convinced to be healthy this past month, I've still gotten out of bed 2-3 times a week to go get on the treadmill at the gym. Thank you to my cousin Chrissy (who lives in Florida) who hasn't given up on me and continues to remind me that I need to get off my lazy butt and do something. After my race, when I stopped running and started to eat everything in front of me she kept going with being healthy. She looks AMAZING!! The hottest mom in Florida by FAR!!! I think she's lost 30 or 40 pounds!!!

Also, my fourth grade team meets in the mornings to workout at the gym. We decided that if someone cancels and doesn't workout some other time during the day then they owe money and it goes in a jar. I'm not sure how much we have in there right now.

It is much easier to try and be healthy when you have people checking in on you. I need to do a better job of seeing who I can check in with and maybe help others in a positive way. So many people have helped and continue to help me on my journey.

Anyways, enough about my past month of eating and getting on the treadmill.

I think I forget how much I love to run. I am referring to running outside. Although I don't mind running on the treadmill, it is a different experience for me outside. Maybe it is the whole being outside one with nature thing. I've always loved the outdoors, so it makes sense that I would enjoy running outside compared to inside.

I am off work for a few weeks (the joys of being year round) and was able to sleep in yesterday but I decided to get up and go running. It had been raining outside for awhile and stopped for a few minutes. I figured this was my window to step outside. Once I was down the street it started to pour. I kept going. There is something about running in the rain. Knowing that somebody else might give up and I kept going. I only ran 2.23 miles but it felt good.

I forget how much I love to run and how it makes me feel. It is therapy.

Eric went running last night and said he wanted to go this morning. I told him I was going this morning at 6 so he said he would go at 5. Well 5:45 hit and he was back and I didn't want to get up. Last night he didn't want to go and I wouldn't let it go and kept telling him to go, so he finally did. Needless to say this morning at 5:45 when I turned the alarm off and decided to go back to bed, he didn't let me. "Oh no you don't" he said. He made me get up. I am pretty stubborn and tried to fight him on it and give him about 10 excuses but he wouldn't take it.

So, I got up ran 2.23 miles and couldn't have been happier when I was done.

I say all this because a lot of times the people in our lives don't realize how important they can be. A word of encouragement or maybe a word of get the bleep out of bed. Sometimes we need it. It is easy to go about our own lives and forget to think about how we can make a difference in other people's lives and how much other people matter in our lives.

So thank you to anyone and everyone who continues to encourage me or takes the other route and doesn't put up with my stubbornness and tells me how it is. Don't let down, I need it!!

It feels like its been forever but it has only been 2 weeks since I've written. Well, I did a good job up until Labor Day, when we went camping. I use MyFitnessPal and loved it!! Unfortunately I stopped using it for a weekend and its been down hill since then.

I will go a few days and do well and then I will make an impulsive run to get icecream.

I think I would be able to retire if I invested in Dairy Queen. I'm thinking about not taking Reece to baseball practice anymore since it is located near a Dairy Queen.

I am really pissed and I am feeling sorry for myself this week. I should get a week out of the month that I want to just be rude to everyone and feel like my life sucks.

(As an important side note: I know my life doesn't suck: I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful and healthy kids, a job that I LOVE, and friends that are like family). I really couldn't ask for a whole lot more (although winning the lottery would help).

Ok now I feel guilty for complaining.

Anyways, today I am thinking about how I wish I would win the lottery. I don't play the lottery so that is going to be difficult.

I see people that are able to buy their kids whatever they want and don't have to worry about hoping someone will give you hand-me-downs. Don't get me wrong I LOVE and am very thankful for all the hand me downs we get but I have a daughter that loves clothes. I would just once like to take her shopping and let her get what she wants. Thankfully the clothes she gets from others are like NEW!!!

Good -Bye FATTY

I am tired of being fat. I really am. No offense to fat people, since I am one.

I really hate it. I hate that none of my clothes fit me so I have to wear the same old things over and over again because I am too stubborn to go buy fat clothes. I won't do it. I would rather have to safety pin my shorts because they are too small or rip my pants when I bend over rather than going and buying clothes that are fat.

That's it I am done. I hate the way that I can go all day and just dream about food.

I am tired of feeling like I am 60 when really I am 33 all because I am so fat I can't move.

Too bad if this upsets you and you are fat. Well we all need to do something about it. We need to quit shoving the next brownie in our mouths and go exercise.

I am tired of stupid excuses that I tell myself. Oh, today is Wednesday I can't exercise it is in the middle of the week.

Oh ,it is the the week before I might get my period I can eat this gallon of ice cream. I deserve it. Oh, I feel a little sad for myself so I can clean out the pantry. OH, my day didn't go like I wanted it,so I will eat this bag of chips. Really who doesn't have these problems?? Well maybe not everyone.

Booohooo...time to get off my fat ass and get with the program. I am sick and tired of thinking that something is wrong with my mirror. I am tired of dreaming about going to Dairy Queen  and just letting the ice cream pour into my mouth for at least 3 hours.

I want to be able to sit down without wondering if my shirt is lifted up in the back and everyone around me is getting sick. I am tired of having to sit down to tie my shoes because I might tip over. I am tired of telling myself, "Well, you have nice blue eyes" Who gives a *()&^ about my nice blue eyes, as a woman I want to feel good about my body.

I want to feel healthy. I love how I feel when I know I've had self-control and I've pushed myself athletically. I love how I feel when I run. I love how I feel when I don't use food as my therapist. I love how I feel when I eat what I am meant to eat with self-control. I love how I feel when I RUN...

As a side note: Thank you to my cousin Chrissy who is not letting me get too far gone from wanting to be healthy!!!!

Fatness surounds me.

Why can't I stop eating?? What is wrong with me??

Why do I like to shove food in my face?

I am up to 168.8 and I really want to be at 130 or less. Only a few pounds to go...

My mother-in-law is

I need to workout in my sleep.

I need energy.

Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it.  I feel like I am always tired.

I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not exercising which gives you more energy.

When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15. Then after work it is dinner, homework, and there is no way that I am going running at 8 pm.

Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.

My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks. It is just too easy to put ourselves last. To not take time to do the things we should.

I feel so tired. When I finish typing this I am going to bed. It is 8:00, why am I sooo tired??

Any workout ideas that I can do in my sleep?

I need energy.

Maybe I should look in to buying a couple cases of Red Bull. Probably not since I've never even tasted it.  I feel like I am always tired.

I know. I know. It is probably because I'm not excericsing which gives you more energy. That is easier said than done.

When do I have time to run? Since school started I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work at 7:00-7:15.

Should I start sleep running? I'm sure there is research out there about some program I can do it in my sleep. I can't stand to do run after school. There are too many other things to do.

My problem is that I don't like not being good at something. I find 1 or 2 things and I do them very well. Right now my health isn't one of those things and it sucks.

Missing My Mom

I've spent a good amount of my adult life telling people that "I just feel thankful that I had my mom for 18 years." I would tell them, "You know some people never experience the kind of love that I did." That was my happy go to line. When someone found out that my mom died when I was younger I would quickly tell them those things so they wouldn't feel so sorry for me anymore.

So that they would know that I was a positive person and no need to feel weird about the topic. I could be looked at as this strong person who was always positive. If only my heart was revealed.

Don't get me wrong, I do know those things and I do feel them but part of it is a lie. We as people lie to ourselves to protect our hearts. To hide away what we are really feeling. It is too much to feel lost or lonely.

A week from tomorrow will be my mom's birthday, August 5th. She would have been 62. I don't even know what she would be like at that age. She doesn't even know me as an adult. She doesn't know my husband, my kids, or me.

For a lot of my life I kept my feelings deep inside. Too scared to realize the pain and hurt that I felt.

If she was alive how would it feel to call her? To have a mom to go to? Have a place that was a central spot to get together with my brothers.

I know that I had it good. I did have my mom's love for a long time, and some people never experience that.

It doesn't take away the sadness and the hole in my heart that I feel. It doesn't take away the loss that is felt. Lots of people feel this loss each day. Maybe it is a mom, a dad, a brother, sister, grandparent, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. We all have people that we lose. That we love.

What would life be like if she were alive? Would we have big family get togethers to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas? What would my kids call her? Would they look at her like she was an angel like I did?

Its just not fair sometimes. I want my mom here. I want her to know me and my family. I want her to be at my kids birthday parties. I want to call her and tell her I love her and I miss her. I just want her here.

I miss her. As the years go by since her death it is hard to keep the memories of her alive. I don't think about the memories as much probably because I am too busy in my own life. Then when I do think about her it is hard to remember. Hard to think about our times together when I was younger.

I know I love her and I know I miss her.